Myth Makers (part 1)
We open up on a right old sword fight between two men. Well, that's a start.
I have Who Recons CGI recon and my Loose Cannon audio but they two don't mesh together very well so this is a one off experiment.
The two men have a lengthy sword fight across a lot of location scenery, and then the TARDIS shows up right in front of them.
STEVEN: That's hardly surprising in the circumstances. Why do you suppose they're fighting?
DOCTOR: I haven't the remotest idea, my boy. No doubt their reasons will be entirely adequate. Yes, I think I perhaps I'd better go and ask them where we are.
VICKI: Doctor, be careful! They look terribly fierce.
Hah.
The Doctor leaves the TARDIS and walks right into a theological argument with swords. One man, Hector is distracted by this literal Deus Ex Machina (hehehe) and is run through with a sword, to the Doctor's horror.
Hector's last words were "if Zeus wants to save you, let him show up now". Cue the Doctor. LOL
DOCTOR: Stop! You must not kick a man when he is down. You have killed this poor fellow!
ACHILLES: Oh, but in your name.
DOCTOR: What! Do you really? And who might you be, may I ask?
ACHILLES: Achilles. Mightiest of warriors, greatest in battle, humblest of your servants.
DOCTOR: Well, if I may say so, you're not very humble, are you?
Hahah.
The Doctor then tries to point out to Achilles that he isn't a God only for Achilles to go all "only a God would deny his own divinity". All very Life of Brian. Achilles then marches Zeus (Doctor) to the Greek camp.
"That man looks quite friendly now" says Vicki of a chap she just watched murder a guy. She and Steven are still in the TARDIS.
So we meet Odysseus and... he's a bored, tired, fed up war commander, who views Achilles as a blowhard nuisance. "You killed Hector? He was probably already hurt!" Achilles reacts a bit like Darling in Blackadder.
Vicki and the Doctor are still watching on the screen somehow. The Doctor shows the Greeks his TARDIS and you can tell how much Odysseus believes in the Zeus larks by imprisoning him.
ODYSSEUS: What? You will to the Grecian camp. If indeed you be Zeus, we have need of your assistance. Now, do not cower there, lads. Zeus is on our side, so Agamemnon keeps insisting. Bear him up, and let us carry him in triumph to the camp.
DOCTOR: I am quite capable of walking.
ACHILLES: Odysseus, I claim the honour to escort him. Let him walk to camp with me.
ODYSSEUS: You shall have honour enough, and maybe we shall have a little of the truth. Father Zeus, we await you. We crave the pleasure of your company at supper, and perhaps a tale or two of Aphrodite?
DOCTOR: I refuse to enter into any kind of vulgar bawdry.
ODYSSEUS: Then you shall tell why we find you lurking near our lines. That should prove equally entertaining. Take him, lads! And two of you there, take up this carrion!
Vicki injured her ankle in Galaxy 4 apparently, which I have no memory of, despite watching the night before writing this.
Now we meet the great mythical Greek leaders themselves:
AGAMEMNON: Now you drink too much, Menelaus. I've told you about it before. Why can't you learn to behave like a king instead of a dropsical old camp follower? Have a little dignity. Try to remember that you're my brother, can't you?
MENELAUS: One of the reasons I drink, Agamemnon, is to forget that I am your brother.
And they are a bickering old pair of brothers. Agamennon is determined to get Helen back for his brother, his brother was quite happy to see his wife sod off and had been giving her the hint for years.
This is so much like Blackadder that its quite unnerving.
And every time someone asks Achilles about his battle with Hector, it gets more and more dramatic. He is hilariously try hard. Agamemnon wants a chat with the Doctor and offers him their finest food. The Doctor reacts like this is the worst prison treatment he has ever suffered!
It's a very wordy script, but it is a lot like a Blackadder II or Chelmsford 123 or the like where you rely on the reaction shots to the quips. And we've lost those! I've never really got Myth Makers on audio alone before but I wonder how much of, say, the Blackadder about the dictionary would work without the imagery too? With some vague CGI recon, you can see and hear Bill H is in fine form here.
ACHILLES: I tell you, Agamemnon, he has come to help us.
DOCTOR: If I were an enemy, what could one man do alone and unarmed against the glory that is Greece, hmm?
AGAMEMNON: Glory that is Greece, hmm? A neat phrase.
ODYSSEUS: The man is a spy. Deal with him and be brief, or I shall undertake it for you.
ACHILLES: After I am dead, Odysseus, and only then.
ODYSSEUS: If you so insist, I shall be most happy to oblige, Lightfoot.
AGAMEMNON: Silence! This is time for thought, not swordplay.
This is a very good script now I can hear it too. Not a lot has happened, but its not happening in a very enjoyable way. The Doctor has dug himself into a hole without even intending. Steven sneaks into the camp to find the Doctor and is immediately spotted by Odysseus and captured.
This entire scene is 90 seconds of music and no dialogue. What are we missing? LOTS.
ODYSSEUS: Softly now! All-seeing Zeus, you see into our very hearts and know their secrets
DOCTOR: Quite so.
ODYSSEUS: Then is this man a spy?
DOCTOR: I do not know, and I do not care.
ODYSSEUS: Shall he then be put to death?
DOCTOR: I think it would be much safer on the whole. Stop! Have you lost your senses?
ODYSSEUS: Now we have it! On second thoughts, you think we should release him to return to Troy.
DOCTOR: Do not mock me, my Lord Odysseus. Would you stain the tent of Agamemnon's with a Trojan's blood? I claim this man as a sacrifice to Olympus! Bring him to my temple in the plain, at sunrise in the morning, and I will show you a miracle.
ODYSSEUS: A miracle. Oh, that would be most satisfactory.
MENELAUS: Convincing proof, I would say.
AGAMEMNON: What sort of miracle would
DOCTOR: I will strike him with a bolt from heaven!
A bolt from heaven ie dematerialisation of course.
Odysseus, ever the sod, then goes yeah "do the miracle or I'll kill you both" and then adds that the TARDIS has "disappeared"...
Its difficult to get into Myth Makers because it is so wordy and then silent, and attention spans are needed due to the lack of moving pictures. Which is a shame, as this was actually pretty great.
"The most sophisticated set of scripts you'll ever ¤¤¤¤ing see!"
BBC press release of the time, Glaswegian'd for effect.
"Is this an attempt to debunk?" wrote a contemporary viewer who presumably later asked if that Monty Python was a bit of a sketch show.
Myth Makers episode 2
Small Prophet, Quick Return.
Incredible, five star, episode title.
Ironically for a story about myths, The Myth Makers appears to have created its own myths. Yes, viewers were confused about the lack of Daleks after Mission to the Unknown, with several writing in expecting another episode of the "excellent Dalek adventure" (their quote but I do agree) and getting Carry On Troy instead. And did the jump between stories actually work? I'm not really convinced. I get the idea of doing a big trailer for the Master Plan, and think Mission was a great bit of TV. But I feel like it would worked equally well as a trailer AFTER Myth Makers. It does jar slightly.
There's also myths of cast fallouts. You may know the Max Adrian one. It was repeated in some official books once - possibly ghost written by Peter Haining. Although Haining was so prolific, the fact he died years ago probably hasn't stopped him trying to put his name on this marathon! Anyhow Adrian shows up in this episode as King Priam of Troy, and rumour used to have it that William Hartnell refused to film any scenes with Adrian as he was gay and Jewish. Of course, ignoring the fact that Hartnell HAD worked with Adrian in theatre in the 1930s quite happily, the more prosaic truth is that Priam and the Doctor were never actually scripted to meet (and logistically can't in this story, the Doctor is stuck on the Greek side of the siege until Priam dies, the script doesn't work otherwise).
It's not a hidden fact that William Hartnell was in a foul mood throughout this shoot, however. His health had started to decline, though how much of that and when we'll never know. He was finding learning his lines far more difficult, which is an early symptom. His childhood guardian died during the filming and John Wiles refused to let him go to the funeral. Also he got injured by a badly placed camera during rehearsals but had to soldier on. This led to him calling director Michael Leeston-Smith a "fool" (swearing presumably edited out) and no doubt wishing that nice first choice Derek Martinus had taken this on and not been contracted to Jury Room instead. Add to that Maureen O'Brien (who he was very fond of) leaving and you have one grumpy lead actor. O'Brien herself and Hartnell didn't realise she was leaving the show till they got the rehearsal scripts. Apparently Wiles took one look at O'Brien and Hartnell changing dialogue in Galaxy 4 and decided that if she didn't like it she could go...
Bit of a wrecking ball approach so far, Mr Wiles. Stunned a man who wanted the First Doctor to actually meet God on screen had such bad opinions!
"I can’t quite recall why the script ended up as jokey as it did. That was probably the Donald Tosh influence since ‘jokey’ was one of his favourite themes. I would probably have liked to have made it more serious." said the producer in DWM in the 1980s, missing the entire point of this story.
As for Max Adrian? Add all that, and keep in mind Adrian was a huge get at the time. He'd been in Henry V, he was Fagin on the BBC, he was a name the TV viewers would know. He was a name Hartnell knew well. Sure, bigotry may have played a role (both of them were long dead before this rumour made fandom so can't speak for themselves here) but it feels just as likely the ailing, depressed and out of sorts Hartnell feared being upstaged by a well known TV and film actor in *his* show.
Or you could take John Wiles view: “Hartnell wasn’t as old as he thought he was. When he was with me, he treated himself almost as a seventy-five year old. It may well have been that he was physically not in the best of health, and so he could not learn lines... I remember suggesting to Bill that we take the TARDIS to a planet where there is no gravity an no oxygen – where he would have to wear a spacesuit. You never heard such an uproar in all your life!"
More rubbish ideas from Mr Wiles. "May have been unwell"? Do you think it might have a possibility? Good lord.
Is it really paranoia if the guy in charge really was out to get William Hartnell, I wonder...
The more you read into this the more it sounds like a Eccleston first filming block disaster.
And yet like the ninth doctor later, when you see the finished product, the Doctor just shines. Because Hartnell was a pro and an excellent actor, even as his health diminished.
I'll skip over the old "was Hartnell a bigot?" because frankly no one really knows. We do know that he was a big fan of Paul Robeson and Louis Armstrong (frankly a man of taste) and very fond of Carole Ann Ford, but then, that doesn't DQ holding views that would be disowned today. (In theory, but then see the current England teams continued efforts to shine a light on it still...) We also know that some have accused him and I won't say "yeah that Anneke Wills is talking ¤¤¤¤" here because what do I or you or Joe know?
The one fence sitting conclusion you can make however is that, yeah, Billy H was probably a man of his era, for good and for bad. Certainly he could be difficult to win over (pat diagnosis time, a lot of folks Hartnell anecdotes do have an element of anxiety or mental health issues to them). HOWEVER... his best remembered role is Doctor Who, in which every Saturday night for three years he told the kids of Britain to denounce prejudice, to protect the vulnerable and to fight injustice no matter what guise it hid itself under. And that is the actor William Hartnell's legacy on this planet - inspiring kids not to hate. So if he was a horrid bigot all along, his carbon footprint in pop culture is far better and wide reaching for social good than many "inspiring" "hard on good guy" politicians ever were.
Anyhow, an important bit about comedy. The Gunfighters works best because Johnny Ringo is played straight. Don Henderson refuses to react to the jokes in Delta and the Bannermen and everything pivots around him. Here, all the legendary figures are fools, but right in the middle of them all, cutting every joke dead, is Odysseus, who remains a danger to all. And this anchors everything in The Myth Makers. No matter who is joking or reacting, he is a permanent menace to the Doctor and Steven.
And he's played by Ivor Salter, who was the Morok Commander a few weeks ago. Incredibly how a scenery change can improve an actor! Speaking of a change in roles, the overeager Agamemnon is Francis de Wolf, who played would be rapist Vasor in the Keys of Marinus. Entirely different roles, I'd never have twigged.
Anyhow, yes, sorry, where was I? Odysseus is all "LOL where's your TARDIS mate?" at the Doctor as they show up and find the TARDIS gone.
The telesnaps show us a wonderfully worried look from the great Labour ma... sorry, I mean William Hartnell. Got distracted. Although, if we were playing politician bingo, the First Doctor is blatantly Nye Bevan here: full of righteous anger, capable of great good, but let down by his impassioned fury at the wrong moments. Like Nye, too much was paid to the First Doctors explosions and huffs: they are seen as the typical portrayal, without wishing to look too far in-depth at the larger picture. For the First Doctor is always on the side of the downtrodden, though he may disguise it at times. No sooner has he learnt humanity is under the yoke of Dalek invasion than he announces his plan to crush them. Whilst being able to see the Elders plans, he also rages against their use of the titular Savages (spoiler alert - I love that scene so much it actually brought tears to my eyes last time I heard it). Whilst able to talk his way into the Post Office Tower, and dine with Sir Charles Summer, he can also exchange pleasantries with a simple tramp, or the staff of a Polar Base, or Romans. The problem, much like with the Pertwee era to come, is when people look at things through a binary lens. With The First Doctor it is the shades of grey which make the man. Here he makes jokes about smiting people with his Godly rage. Back in Season 1, he thumped a slave overseer in The Reign of Terror, then made a joke about it. And, indeed, it is The Reign of Terror which gives the best insight into the Doctors politics, for Susan refers to it as his favourite period in history. The working class overthrow of the aristocracy is our First Doctors favourite moment, no truer an example of the Doctor’s Marxist tendencies than here.
(Paraphrasing myself very loosely from Celestial Toyroom about 10-11 years ago. If I remember, we will talk about the Tony Benn/Jon Pertwee parallels during Terror of the Autons...)
Sorry, I got distracted by the subtext again. Right, as I said, we are now 25 seconds into Episode 2...
Odysseus gets the guards to grab the Doctor and orders his execution as the TARDIS has been taken to the City of Troy so they must be spies!
ODYSSEUS: First of all, myrmidons. Who are you?
DOCTOR: I think you had better tell him.
STEVEN: Yes, well, this may take some time.
ODYSSEUS: I will be patient. But this time, if you value your lives, do not lie to me.
See, he's a danger!
In Troy, it's The Great Mouse Detective and Max Adrian. Basil "Barrie" Ingham is playing Paris by starting at 11 and working his way up the ladder... Vicki sees Priam look at the TARDIS and plays with her hair.
PRIAM: And what, may I ask, do you propose to do with this seeming shrine?
PARIS: Well, I had rather thought of putting it in the temple.
CASSANDRA: Ha! You're not putting that in my temple.
PRIAM: I should think not indeed, bringing back blessed shrines. Go back and bring Achilles' body, if you want to do something useful. Get back to the war.
CASSANDRA: And take that thing with you.
PARIS: Oh, really! If you if you knew the weight of this, this, this thing. Father, if Cassandra doesn't want it, can't we just leave it where it is for the moment?
PRIAM: In the middle of the square?
Paris is as try hard as Achilles and is totally the guy to bring a big wooden horse past the safety barriers first and ask questions later.
Cassandra thinks people might be hiding in the TARDIS, and is thus far too genre savvy and thus must be ignored by the rest of Troy. She even goes "the auguries are bad" and Paris replies "Oh she thinks everything spells doom! LOLs!" Vicki is eavesdropping on this entire thing.
Cassandra decides they should set it on fire. So Vicki goes to a cupboard to find something nice to wear.
DOCTOR: Well, I think with all eternity to choose from, I did rather well to get us back to Earth.
STEVEN: I'm very glad you're pleased with yourself. I suppose I should be grateful for standing here, trussed like a chicken, ready to have me throat cut.
ODYSSEUS: No one mentioned cutting throats.
DOCTOR: No, they didn't.
ODYSSEUS: I had I had something more lingering in mind.
DOCTOR: Yes. Yes, I dare say. I suppose some kind of ritual death, I presume?
ODYSSEUS: Sit down. Sit down! In my life I have travelled far, and met many deplorable people, but not one of them has had the credulity strained as I have strained today by your effrontery, Doctor. Your story is probably true, otherwise you would never have dared to tell it. Stand up! I propose to release you.
STEVEN: We might have expected That's very nice of you.
ODYSSEUS: No, no, it isn't. Release, but on certain conditions.
DOCTOR: And what are those conditions, may I ask?
ODYSSEUS: That you use your supernatural knowledge to devise a scheme whereby we capture Troy. I will give you two days. Two days to think of something really ingenious.
Yes, they are just bickering away in front of Odysseus and this pisses him off. But not as much as that run in with the Cyclops who eats half his crew, I bet. He looks nothing like the guy from The Space Museum. Odysseus warns he is about to get very angry. As opposed to his calm and collected nature so far.
Cassandra prays to her Gods and Vicki leaves the TARDIS in her best fancy dress. Tutte Lemkow watches from the crowd - yes, every second he is in Doctor Who is missing. Poor sod.
CASSANDRA: Who are you?
VICKI: I'm nobody of any importance. I'm just someone from the future.
PARIS: The future?
CASSANDRA: How do you so? You're no Trojan goddess. Are you some puny pagan goddess of the Greeks?
VICKI: Of course not. I'm as human as you are.
CASSANDRA: Then how comes it that you claim to know the future?
PARIS: Oh really, Cassandra. You're always going on and on about it yourself.
And if anything, Cassandra is being treated with more respect here than in the actual Iliad. Now Cassandra who predicts the future claims that is evidence of sorcery in Vicki but Priam is clearly charmed.
PRIAM: Now, you see? Neither of you has the least idea how to handle children. All you need is a little kindness and understanding. Now, first of all, what is your name?
VICKI: Vicki.
PRIAM: Vicki? That's a very outlandish name.
CASSANDRA: A heathen sort of name, if you ask me.
PRIAM: Nobody did ask you, Cassandra. Well, I really don't think we can call you Vicki. We shall have to think another one for you, shan't we? Let me see, how about, Cressida. Would you think that would be all right?
VICKI: It's a very pretty name.
I did read Troilus and Cressida at school. A very dull and depressing poem. In which Cressida outlasts everyone by out politicking the best, so in a ham-fisted way more of a tribute than perhaps intended to Vicki?
Meanwhile Priam tells Paris to "go kill Achilles before sunset" or he'll be very, very cross. I laughed.
Steven instantly suggests, if they have two days to break the siege, to come up with the Trojan Horse.
DOCTOR: Oh, my dear boy, I couldn't possibly suggest that. The whole story is obviously absurd. Probably invented by Homer as some good dramatic device. No, I think it would be completely impractical.
"Is it a debunk?" You know, I think it might well be...
Odysseus enters the scene in a foul mood. Paris wants a fight with someone and Agamemnon has ordered Odysseus to do so. Odysseus is ¤¤¤¤ed off by this, as Paris is a known idiot, so Steven steps in and offers his place to fight Paris to the death. Which delights Odysseus.
ODYSSEUS: You really are most anxious to die. They will take you for a spy, as we did.
STEVEN: Not if I were wearing a uniform. I'd be a prisoner of war.
ODYSSEUS: Well, I don't know what they're doing with their prisoners of war at the moment. It rather depends on how they're feeling at the time, I imagine. They're a very unpredictable lot, these Trojans.
STEVEN: Well, I'm prepared to take the risk if you're prepared to let me go.
ODYSSEUS: Really, that's very courageous of you.
See, Steven is so good at being a Dr Who companion, even grumpy old Odysseus is actually impressed by him. Then we get a very funny scene (well the audio makes it sound so) where Steven challenges Paris, is clearly as a rank amateur better than Paris at sword fighting but manages to make it look like he lost and then he surrenders!
STEVEN: I yield. I'm your prisoner.
PARIS: Well, I say, this sort of thing is just not done. I mean, surely you'd rather die than be taken prisoner?
STEVEN: Well, yes, but, only in a general sort of way, you see. You see, when I first challenged you, little did I know that you were indeed the Lion of Troy.
PARIS: Yes, I
STEVEN: I should have listened to my friends.
PARIS: Why? What do they say?
STEVEN: Why, that they would rather face Prince Hector and Troilus together than the mighty Paris. That you are unconquerable.
PARIS: Really? They don't say that in Troy.
Hahahah. Poor old Paris, he's everyone's fool. As opposed to Basil The Great Mouse Detective.
Meanwhile Vicki is chatting away to King Priam when Steven shows up as a "Greek prisoner". Without thinking, he calls her by her name - Vicki - and this is the proof Cassandra needs. "She's a spy! Kill her!"
And as sword wielding guards enclose around a scared Vicki and Steven, the caption appears on screen: "Next week - The Death of a Spy!"
She is leaving, we all know that but surely they wouldn't kill off a companion, would they....
Myth Makers (part 3)
Cassandra has ordered the guards to kill Steven and Vicki. However, Paris orders them to stand down and tells off Cassandra for overstepping her authority. That's the biggest cliffhanger tease/solution we've seen in some time!
PARIS: I am at present officer commanding all Trojan forces/
CASSANDRA: Ha!
PARIS: And I will not tolerate interference from a fortune-teller of notorious unreliability.
CASSANDRA: How dare you! I am High Priestess of Troy!
PARIS: All right then, get back to your temple before you give us all galloping religious mania.
They then both moan to their father, Priam, who pontificates. Paris demands Diomede defends him. That's Steven, which gives Peter Purves a wonderful moment to summarise his fake battle from the last episode. Mouse Detective Basil quietly nods at the embellishments before repeating them as fact to his dad!
PRIAM: Hush, my child. This war with the Greeks has been going on for ten long years, and frankly we're very bored with being penned up here. Now if you are what you really say you are, as a pledge of good faith to us, you must either give me information that will lead to our speedy victory, or use your supernatural powers to turn the tide of battle in our favour.
VICKI: But suppose I don't? Suppose the Greeks win?
CASSANDRA: You will be burnt as a sorceress, a false prophet, and a spy.
PRIAM: Well, as one of them, anyway.
Max Adrian is having a hoot with the dialogue he's been given. This is very witty so far.
VICKI: Where are they taking us?
PRIAM: To the dungeons. Oh, don't worry, you'll find them quite comfortable. I often spend an hour or two down there myself when I've got tired of things up here.
STEVEN: How long do you intend to keep us there?
CASSANDRA: Till you rot.
PRIAM: Oh, well really, Cassandra. Though that may be true in your case, Diomede!
Trying not to just quote the whole script. The whole character interaction, as Steven and Vicki find themselves at the centre of this bickering family under siege, is fascinating. So far this is Chelmsford 123 (the Channel 4 attempt at a Blackadder) but considerably better written. (There's no need to reference Maid Marion and Her Merry Men, except here, of course, as that was well written and for kids.)
Meanwhile the Doctor is desperately trying not to invent the Trojan Horse. His latest ludicrous plan, which the Doctor is very proud of, is to catapult men over the wall and use Leonardo da Vinci style flying machines to land. Odysseus can barely hold in his laughter.
ODYSSEUS: I'm very glad to hear you say that, Doctor, because I intend to build this flying machine.
DOCTOR: Excellent, excellent!
ODYSSEUS: And you shall have the honour of being the first man to fly!
I'm with Odysseus, it was a terrible idea. (The Doctors, not Leonardo's which fell foul of his ideas being 400 years ahead of technological progress...) Oh god, look at William Hartnell's face when the Doctor gets told he's going to test his own flying plans, I am in stitches here.
Steven and Vicki bicker in the dungeon.
Incidentally, Who fans in the 80s thought this story was a dated joke as few got taught Latin or Greek by 1965. I was taught Latin at school! It was viewed as useful for learning modern languages! And if you discount the Jesuit influence there, I was first taught about the Trojan War in my state run primary school.
Vicki hears about the Doctor's dilemma and immediately goes "Why doesn't he invent the horse?"
Look, if Moffat wrote this sort of pseudo-historical where they debunk the myths but play to them at the same time, it'd have endless fans on social media. The entire set up where the Doctor is adamant something is fake history but winds up stuck in a position he invents it as real history is the sort of story you could see fitting in well to New Who.
Steven sees Cyclops and tells him to pass on a message to Odysseus.
TROILUS: What are you doing up there?
STEVEN: Just admiring the view. It's a very handsome square out here.
TROILUS: Perhaps, but you're supposed to sit in your cell and be quiet.
He's on the naughty step and has to think about what he's done. Vicki tries to flirt with Troilus to no effect.
So, quick recap. In the original Illiad... there is no Cressida because she wasn't invented until circa 1300. She became more of a famous literary character when Shakespeare wrote his comedy, Troilus and Cressida, in 1602. In that, Cressida is a Greek woman who falls in love with the youngest son of Priam, only for her to double cross him for her lover Diomede. (Yes, that's Steven's pseudonym...) She is the easily led Jezebel of the play, which is based around Chaucer's poem which he seemed to think was so bad he wrote an apology for how women come across in it!
The Shakespeare version was controversial even in his own century, with Dryden rewriting it so true love outlasted Diomede. John Dryden was a bit of a contrarian for his time though - even as Poet Laureate he wrote satires about the King's love life, and an outraged Earl once hired some goons to beat up the poet in his favourite pub! He was also fired from the Laureate job after refusing to acknowledge the 1688 revolution, and left to his own earning devices, translated Ovid into English and called his last decade his most enjoyable writing period!
(He also wrote Mac Fleckinoe, which was the 17th Century version of a battle rap TKO...)
But here in Doctor Who, we see Cressida (Vicki) eventually abandon Diomede (Steven) to look after Troilus (Troilus). So this story is not only deconstruction the notion of myth, but its also inverting the created myths that weren't around at the time. Never was a title of a story more accurate.
Or, maybe Dryden wins again!
Back in the Greek camp, The Doctors hyperactive pacing about is getting on Odysseus's nerves!
DOCTOR: No, no, no. It isn't that. Not at all. I've made a mistake in my calculations.
ODYSSEUS: A mistake?
DOCTOR: Yes, yes. I'm afraid we must face up to it, Odysseus, man was never meant to fly.
ODYSSEUS: Wasn't he now? Well, that seems to me a great shame. Now if your machine won't work, Doctor, I propose to fly you without it.
DOCTOR: Oh? What do you mean?
ODYSSEUS: Simply this. That my catapult is ready and it seems a great pity to waste it. Now you have failed me, therefore you are expendable. I propose to fire you over the walls of Troy.
DOCTOR: Ah, but I have another idea. And a much better one.
ODYSSEUS: It had better be. Well?
DOCTOR: Have you ever thought of a horse?
And there we go. Myth becomes history, at least in this story. (Did you know Troy was a misprint for Torquay? Sorry, that's a very old Alan Coren gag no one but me remembers, but I'm laughing at it anyhow...)
Odysseus likes the Horse idea, because he has to, really. Meanwhile, Vicki and Troilus have invented successful flirting.
VICKI: Well, you're not in the war, are you? You're far too young.
TROILUS: I'm seventeen next birthday!
VICKI: That's hardly any older than me. You shouldn't be killing people at your age.
TROILUS: Well, between you and me, I don't honestly enjoy killing at all. But I love adventure.
VICKI: Yes. I know what you mean.
Vicki being 15-16 during the course of her adventures does make a lot of her flights of fancy make more sense, in that she is meant to be a young person. The only other actual child companion of the 60s would be Victoria who is young enough to need adoption at the end of Fury from the Deep. (Although Maureen O'Brien was 23 here.)
Odysseus tells the Horse plan to an unconvinced Menelaus and announces the Doctor will be in the Horse too to keep an eye on him. Thus the proposed but axed episode title Is There A Doctor in The Horse?
TROILUS: Look here, is this Diomede a particular friend of yours or something?
VICKI: A very good friend, yes.
TROILUS: Well I don't see how you can be friends with a Greek.
VICKI: Oh, look, Troilus. When you come from the future you make friends with a lot of people, and he's one of them.
TROILUS: I see. But he's not in any way special?
VICKI: No. Why do you keep on?
TROILUS: Well, because that's what I was. I mean, that's what the others were worried about.
VICKI: Oh, yes, well, all right, you can tell them to stop worrying and let us out.
TROILUS: Yes, yes I will. But I don't suppose anyone will take any notice.
Now they are blatantly playing with the tropes of the play. No wonder the BBC loved this.
When Troilus leaves, Steven tells off Vicki for flirting. She gives him food.
Cyclops is caught and ordered to speak. Being mute, he cannot. So a guard kills him.
Odysseus laughs at the Doctors expense. They make an enjoyable double act.
Then we get one of the most blimey lines in Dr Who history:
ODYSSEUS: What is it now, Doctor? Upon my soul, you're making me as nervous as a Bacchante at her first orgy.
Then Odysseus tells the Doctor to count Trojans if he can't sleep. Hah.
The Greeks have sailed off and the Trojans think they've won the war. Priam thinks Vicki did it.
Then outside the city they see the Horse, and Paris and Priam are delighted, whereas Vicki and Cassandra both freak out - one of them because they know the story and other because they've got second sight...
PRIAM: Great heavens, I do believe you're right. It is the Great Horse of Asia.
CASSANDRA: It's an omen. An omen of disaster.
VICKI: It is the Trojan Horse. But I thought you...
TROILUS: What was that?
CASSANDRA: Yes, ask her! Go on, ask her! She knows what it is. It's our doom! It's the death of Troy, brought upon us by that cursed witch!
PARIS: Now understand me, Cassandra. I will not have one word said against that horse.
TROILUS: And neither will I against Cressida.
CASSANDRA: Will you not? Then woe to the House of Priam. Woe to the Trojans.
PARIS: I'm afraid you're a bit late to say 'whoa' to the horse. I've just given instructions to have it brought into the city.
The Discontinuity Guide had that as a dialogue disaster but it fits Paris's "try hard", "Not as funny as he thinks he is" character to a T. Also, we now have a cliffhanger where we know Paris and Priam are doomed, Cassandra know they are (and thinks this is Vicki's doing) and Vicki knows they are (and her clear terror is an underrated aspect of this moment), but the rest of the Trojans don't. As dramatic cliffhangers go, its top notch.
Myth Makers (part 4)
Horse of Destruction!
Cassandra thinks Paris is a fool, and he is. Still, she'll outlive him before being stabbed to death in a foreign land by a jealous wife. Cassandra orders her handmaiden Katarina to keep an eye on Vicki. Oh right, I was wondering when she'd turn up!
ODYSSEUS: Of all the undignified ways of entering a city this takes the fried phoenix.
Inside the Trojan Horse is not very comfortable, apparently. Vicki gets Steven out of the dungeons and they mingle through the crowds looking at the horse. They spot Katarina and so Steven goes to hide.
STEVEN: You'd better go. In any case, Troilus'll die of jealousy if he knows you're with me.
VICKI: And what is that supposed to mean?
STEVEN: Oh, come off it, Vicki. The way you two were carrying on back there in the
VICKI: Troilus has been very kind to me and I'm very fond of him and if all you can do is make fun
STEVEN: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I am sorry. Okay, but look. If you really are that fond of him you'd better tell him to get out of the city.
VICKI: Why? You mean when they come out of that thing they... Steven!
STEVEN: It's possible, isn't it? Tell him to get out of Troy, just to be on the safe side.
So Vicki got this far without twigging the Greeks would kill her Just Good Friend Troilus. And just watch how Peter Purves's voice drops with "okay but look" - in one intonation Steven goes from joking friend to protective older brother. Cassandra calls Troilus a "love sick fool" and says Vicki released Steven from jail. Which, to be fair, she did.
PRIAM: Yes, your friend, the Greek prisoner. He has escaped. Did you set him free?
PARIS: Oh, that's nonsense. I mean how could she have?
CASSANDRA: By sorcery.
VICKI: I am not a sorceress. Really, I'm not.
PRIAM: Yes, I believe you, my child, but you must forgive us if we are naturally suspicious. This has been a long and difficult war, and peace will take a little bit of getting used to.
Katarina is sent to keep an eye on Vicki.
Max Adrian is going to get all the readings possible out of those lines while his character is still with us!
Odysseus and the Doctor continue to bicker.
DOCTOR: How you can sit there so peacefully defeats me. Have you no feelings, no emotions?
ODYSSEUS: I was thinking, Doctor, that with any luck either Agamemnon or Achilles will not come through.
DOCTOR: You mean they'll desert us?
ODYSSEUS: No, die. Just a hope. One less finger in the pie. A greater share of the booty for me.
DOCTOR: That is a most immoral way of looking at life.
ODYSSEUS: Nonsense. It's the reason that I've been here for ten long years fighting all the time.
The Doctor demands to be released from the Horse at once but Odysseus says he'll kill him if he doesn't shut up.
I get the impression that Ivor Salter would be considered one of the great guest stars in this role if it existed, actually. He and Hartnell hit off as well as Hartnell and Anthony Jacobs do a few weeks later.
Vicki tells Troilus to leave the city and find Steven so unsubtly that what's about to happen would be obvious to an idiot. Unluckily for Troy, Priam's family tree gene pool had too much chlorine in it or something on the male side so Troilus goes off like a fool to be saved while his family are butchered.
Next companion Katarina showed up in Part 4, hasn't spoken yet and is now asleep. Wasn't even given a chance, really.
The Greeks leave the Trojan Horse, along with the Doctor. Even Odysseus is surprised the Doctors plan worked.
If you really like the House of Troy royal family, you might want to look away now. The nearest sentry is stabbed to death. It begins.
Outside the walls of Troy, Troilus runs into Achilles. Achilles mocks his brothers death and they fight, and to the surprise of classicists, Troilus mortally wounds Achilles. Who then stabs Troilus. It's a minute long fight scene which we rely on audio for...
It was an April morning when they told us we should go
As I turn to you, you smiled at me
How could we say no?
Oh, the fun to have
To live the dreams we always had
Oh, the songs to sing
When Troilus wants to snog Vicki...
That is how the rest of the lyrics go, right?
Odysseus breaks into the throne room and orders Priam and Paris killed, who try to run away. Cassandra allows herself one "told you so". Priam and Paris are killed, and Cassandra is carried off as a slave, but not before she curses Odysseus to be stuck at sea for 10 long years.
You might say he's cursed to endure an Odyssey.
At the TARDIS the Doctor is ready to take off...
Steven is stabbed in the shoulder but saved by a Greek soldier. Katarina finds the wounded Steven and drags him to the TARDIS. So literally a new companion out of nowhere single-handedly saves him.
Meanwhile the Doctor and Vicki's farewells are...off screen. She leaves the TARDIS and hugs it. The Doctor sighs but makes no attempt not to leave her in a warzone!
Odysseus tries to seize the TARDIS but the Doctor lets out a proper Doctor furious rage at him and sods off.
The TARDIS takes off and Odysseus basically goes "OH ¤¤¤¤ IT WAS ZEUS ALL ALONG AND I PISSED HIM OFF!"
Troilus is sitting crying about Troy burning and his whole family dying, and Cressida betraying him and all that, when Vicki shows up. Troilus is a bit upset but Vicki insists she is there for him and they seem... on friendly enough terms as the Trojan back up troops arrive a bit bloody late.
Steven is delirious from blood poisoning, and the Doctor worries. Katarina talks to the Doctor about it.
DOCTOR: Oh, you'll have to look after that young man. I think he has calmed down.
KATARINA: Strange god, you bring me peace.
DOCTOR: No, I don't know what Vicki has advised you, but
KATARINA: Oh, the Priestess Cressida told me all would be well and I knew it was to come.
DOCTOR: What was to come my dear?
KATARINA: That I was to die.
DOCTOR: My dear child, you're not dead. That's nonsense.
KATARINA: This is not Troy. This is not even the world. This is the journey through the beyond.
DOCTOR: Well, as you wish.
KATARINA: Soon we will see killer pepperpots, and a man who is not a Brigadier. Beware of cybermen at the North Pole...
OK, maybe not that last bit.
We end with Vicki gone, a new companion out of her element, Steven seemingly dying and the Doctor in a panic over his friend.
The Myth Makers is genuinely, actually, great. I've never been able to properly appreciate it before. We lose so much without the images, to the point things which seem like they'd be considered Dr Who classic moments are forgotten. The Odysseus/Doctor double act is great fun, and Priam's cheerful disposition to the siege raises several laughs. The talk is that Episode 4 is jarring in tone, but really, the build up is seeded through out and anyone with a passing knowledge of pop culture (let alone classics) knows what's going to happen in Troy. Hell, Trojan Horses are even internet speak for viruses now. Everyone knew they were fecked. Except Paris. Don't worry, when he became a mouse he got far more intelligent...
But yes, The Myth Makers is clearly a great bit of TV to see. If only we could see it...
When they do the animation, they should restore the original titles to episodes 1 and 4: "Zeus Ex Machina" and "Is There A Doctor In The Horse?"
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