So, for those who don't know the score with this glacially progressing project...
A number of years ago, when the BBC4 Top of the Pops repeats reached 1984 (they are currently on 1994) I realised that, if you took the best forty songs which made the Top 40 in that year, you would get an amazing playlist. Which you did. The challenge was then to create such a list for each year of the charts. To gnash in fury when favourite songs only made it to forty-two in the charts, and were thus ineligible. To try and get forty good songs out of a year dominated by Jive Bunny.
This is the 2005 edition of this project. 2005 was not a brilliant year for charting music in the UK. There are songs which qualified for this list which wouldn't make the Near Misses list in better years. Why did I pick 2005 then?
Two reasons.
Firstly, after my 10, 000 word epic on the music of 2001, my wife requested that the next music blog be much shorter. I can confirm this one is a lot shorter. Some years don't have much for intertextuality nerds to dig into.
Secondly, after my 2001 piece, Mr Jon Arnold, or "m'colleague" as friends of this website will know, pointed out that it was a rather bleak piece. Premature death, suicide, depression, songs about murder and abuse. Grim music for a grim year. His request was that my next year be a lot less depressing.
And being a contrarian sod, I have aimed for that to the nth degree!
Anyhow, less of my preamble, more of the top 40 UK charting songs from a year few remember with great fondness!
Near Misses:
Living for the Weekend (Hard-Fi)
Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own (I don't mind U2 but this is after their best)
A Night to Remember (Liberty X)
Don't Cha (Pussycat Dolls - though I was sorely tempted)
Little Sister (QOTSA, just not as good as their other hits)
When I'm Gone (Eminem)
Boys Will Be Boys (Ordinary Boys, which I still recall the lyrics for - another Big Brother crime)
Mercy Me (Alkaline Trio, not great, which is a shame as their two really good singles - Private Eye and Stupid Kid - didn't make the charts.)
Bad Day (Daniel Powter)
Fix You (Coldplay, two of their songs was as much as I could stomach)
There's also a number of artists for whom I selected their best song - Charlotte Church, Girls Aloud and the Nine Inch Nails for example. Now, there's a line up!
#40 Gorillaz - Dirty Harry
2005 saw the release of Demon Days, an album better than the ones Damon Albarn put out under Blur. The first of three singles from that album (you know what they are) on this years list, this is an all hands on decks single, from Danger Mouse’s mixing to Bootie Brown’s vocals, but Albarn’s guitar riff stitches it together. And no, Clint Eastwood hasn’t commented publicly on this song either.
#39 Coldplay - The Speed of Sound
Familiar earworm by the Coldplay lads.
#38 Razorlight - Somewhere Else
This top two charting song written by Johnny Borrell proved that Razorlight wouldn’t be one hit wonders. NME voted this song to have the worst lyrics of all time, which is odd, as they aren’t Busted’s Year 3000. Nothing’s changed but we live underwater, FFS.
#37 Paul McCartney - Jenny Wren
Paul McCartney wrote Yesterday and Eleanor Rigby in the 60s, he wrote Band on the Run and Live and Let Die in the 70s, he wrote Pipes of Peace and This One in the eighties. Then in 2005, forty-two years after writing I Saw Her Standing There, Macca anthropomorphises his favourite bird into a lonely woman and makes the top forty yet again. He makes this song writing lark look ludicrously easy at times.
#36 Kanye West and Jamie Foxx - Gold Digger
Now this is an earworm song, given it’s a riff from Ray Charles. And the Weird Al cover raises a smile. But have you ever read the lyrics? Jamie Foxx was coming off his break out year where he’d won an Oscar for playing Ray Charles, and also starred opposite Tom Cruise in the hitman v taxi driver thriller Collateral. (Which is far better than it sounds.) Kanye West hadn’t even married into the Kardashians by that point, let alone gone down the sad route he wound up on. It’s important, it’s catchy, it’s… badly dated.
#35 The White Stripes - The Denial Twist
Not even a single entendre in Jack White’s meaning here.
#34 Kaiser Chiefs - Oh My God
Remember when the Kaiser Chiefs
were a thing? They were on Never Mind The Buzzcocks, and Phil Jupitus answered
every question with a Kaiser Chiefs chorus. “You’re going to run out of our
songs,” quipped Ricky Wilson. Never a truer word spoken. By 2009 they were gone
with the wind. Macca, no one’s got his staying power.
#33 Green Day - Holiday
Nonsensical lyrics, catchy rhythm line. It’s nowhere near as deep as September, despite what teenage me might have once thought. I like the daft overearnestness more though. It’s a smorgasbord of things, hacked apart and reformed together to sound intellectual. What could be more nostalgic of your university years?
#32 Coldplay - Talk
Familiar earworm by the Coldplay lads. There is no Fix You on this list. Two Coldplay songs was quite enough.
#31 Madonna - Hung Up
At
the time, I was annoyed by the ABBA sampling. Seumas told me I was being picky.
In 2023, I know Shim was right.
Benny and Bjorn really do give this later career Madonna track a proper verve
that had been lacking elsewhere though.
#30 Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor
The Monkeys may not have been the panacea for rock music that the press reported at the time, but their techniques to gain internet recognition became staples of the music business. And here, Alex Turner’s guitar and songwriting gave them their signature song. Especially if you are Alan Wilder, who namechecked the song in Side-Line Magazine as an example of how modern music had become one dimensional and lacking warmth and variation!
Q rated this song far higher than I do, as one of the top indie anthems. For me, its one of the weaker of the singles from Franz Ferdinand’s two great albums. And yet, by this point Alex Kapranos, Nick McCarthy and Robert Hardy’s interlinking guitar play could produce the sort of chart song which appealed to me, in their sleep. In stronger years, the “narrow misses” list would be full of tracks like this one. In 2005, it’s top thirty.
#28 Scissor Sisters - Filthy/Gorgeous
Instant floor filler at the Glasgow nightclubs of the time.
#27 Oasis - The Importance of Being Idle
You might be surprised that a late era Oasis track with a self-indulgent title (it’s a bit like Oscar Wilde, it’s deep, man) being this high up the rankings is unusual for me. But you see, when I heard the song, I didn’t know it was Oasis. The band didn’t last much longer after this run in the sun. They were becoming more Kinks than T Rex by this point, in fact, some of the guitar seemed to come straight from Peter Quaife.
#26 Charlotte Church - Crazy Chick
Charlotte Church made the jump into pop music, with this track, which pieces together mental health and “sexy pop song” in a Frankensteinian pitch which is disturbing and yet captivating. Church hates the song, hates that it got popular, hates it being mentioned here. It's throwaway pop. She sang better songs from that album, she wrote better songs than this one the studio suggested, because society apparently has a lack of faith in female singer-songwriters, despite all evidence to the contrary. However, the key to Crazy Chick is that it almost wants to be something more than what it is. It’s Moodswings selling out for a higher chart position.
#25 KT Tunstall - Suddenly I See
I can’t write about my favourite KT Tunstall song here (Another Place to Fall) because it didn’t get into the top 40. Oh that public. The Ivor Novello winning songwriter’s mellow remembrances summed up the charts at the time. The song is written in praise of Patti Smith. Its now used for clothing commercials. Welcome to the 21st Century!
#24 Kaiser Chiefs - The Modern Way
This is the modern way, faking it everyday. Man, that Ricky really knew what was going to happen with pop culture this century. Takes one to know one, I guess. The lyrics might be the most simplistic for a major chart song since La La La, but at least it isn’t Busted. You’re great-great-great granddaughter – how long does Charlie from Busted think the average human being lives?
#23 Audioslave - Be Yourself
A song about living your life your way and loving yourself for who are you and not who else you want to be. Song by a frontman, Chris Cornell, and forever linked to a WWE wrestler, Ashley Massaro, both of whom were plagued by personal demons and were to kill themselves, that’s the problem with songs. Sometimes context can hurt the overall message.
#22 James Blunt - You're Beautiful
It’s meant to be a creepy song. He’s shining a light on stalkers FFS! If you listen to You’re Beautiful and think “yeah, I’m a good guy just like him”, you’re not the good guy! James I think your message was just too damn subtle for society…
#21 Kelly Clarkson - Since U Been Gone
1.
The guys who wrote Hit Me Baby One More Time and
all its problematic content returned with this hit. Which is great. It starts
like your typical breakup song, and you think its going to be all about remorse
and lost love, then the chorus kicks in and Kelly Clarkson is all “I can
breathe! This is great! I can do my own stuff again! Fuck off Dave!” which is
the sort of end of relationship joy we all need in the world sometimes.
Apologies to anyone
named Dave.
Robbie Williams, quoting that phrase Gandhi never said, talking about how he’s close to the edge. Unlike Linkin Park, Robbie went on Ant and Dec’s show and wrote about Elvis instead. That’s probably healthier in the long run than self-abuse, tbh. Well, that depends on your definition of Ant and Dec…
#19 Franz Ferdinand - Walk Away
Looking up the lyrics for this song on Google, I got nine songs which weren’t it. I’m not looking for Matt Monro! Not quite as gung-ho in the breakup as Kelly Clarkson was, Kapranos lyrics and guitar placement gives it the edge.
#18 My Chemical Romance - I'm Not Okay (I Promise)
Cat loved MCR at the time, and I found them twee. Now that I am no longer a teenager, I appreciate there was a band out there at the time for whom it was OK to talk about mental health and needing space away from drama.
#17 Kanye West - Diamonds from Sierra Leone
I’m gonna let you finish here but Kanye cutting into Shirley Bassey’s lyrics here with his doubting Thomas voice is the standout musical moment of his career. But it sums up Kanye West. The title is about the civil war in Sierra Leone and the dirty trade for diamonds which kept it going. West clearly wants to equate between the suffering of millions in Africa and the bling culture that music and the media have been cultivating in the West. Yet, lyrically, he gets bogged down in that Western culture. It’s unrefined. It wants to be something better than what it is. It's a good song by a writer who was clearly in a better place back then. But it could so easily have been a great one. That feels like a signature track, not just for his career...
#16 Interpol - C'mere
This is a far less friendly breakup. There’s a threat inherent in the title. I love the phrasing of the lines. This one doesn’t pretend to be the good guy or in a good place. Its straight out of vindictive-ville. Marvellous melody, though. It’s got all the warmth of a rottweiler owner with a migraine.
#15 Gorillaz (and Shaun Ryder) - Dare
There’s a legend that Shaun Ryder (whom I was introduced to by this song) was meant to sing "it’s there” but fluffed and changed the name of the record. On the other hand, Chris Evans might have been taking the pish. (Ryder has since confirmed it, but there's a man who loves a good anecdote when he hears one!) This got to number one, on account of being so damned catchy, and was Gorillaz’s only chart topper from this renaissance period of Damon Albarn’s career. His producer, Danger Mouse, would soon form Gnarls Barkley with Cee Lo Green, and for more on them, tune into the 2006 chart list any century now...
#14 KT Tunstall - Other Side of the World
More Tunstall loveliness for sitting lazily in a midsummer when there’s no work and no need to do anything immediately. It’s not quite Another Place to Fall, though.
#13 Nine Inch Nails - The Hand That Feeds
When this album came out, the poor Woolworths lady had terrible time finding the album in their system. I should probably have told her sooner than NIN stood for Nine Inch Nails. My bad. At least Woolworths was still a going concern back then! The album wasn’t so much a return to form for Trent Reznor as his form, outside of Hurt. It provided this song, his only UK top ten hit, and had a number of decent melancholic tracks. Big fan of Right Where It Belongs, Johnny Cash would done a number on that one, if he hadn’t died.
The Hand That Feeds being NIN’s most successful song is no surprise though – it’s his most commercial. The riffs in the right place, it builds to a head thrashing chorus, and it doesn’t have lyrics about socialist unrest or about how having sex with someone gets you closer to God. That’s why Here to Stay charted higher than ADIDAS, fellow Korn fans, though, yes, Come Out and Plays lack of chart success was criminal.
#12 KT Tunstall - Black Horse and the Cherry Tree
Another nice KT Tunstall song. Shame about Another Place to Fall.
#11 The White Stripes - Blue Orchid
Did
you use this as the music for an alarm clock?
Yes, we did too.
Never missed a 9am lecture, though I may have had to peel my skin off the
ceiling first.
Yeah, I love Girls Aloud. And
so do you. Don’t deny it. I remember the time this song got put on at the
Cathouse for a laugh – there were lots of fans in that night!
#9 Stereophonics - Dakota
Stereophonics are a band that been somewhat reappraised for me by this method. Never considered before, they had a fair few track which stand the test of time after a few decades. This was their contemporary moment in the sun, a number one. A song which doesn’t mention Dakota. North or South.
#8 Eminem - Like Toy Soldiers
The various tit for tat
deaths in the world of rap, which had been egged on by criminals and media alike glorifying in the sensationalism, had seemed on a
different plane of existence from Eminem’s shtick. Despite
folk involved being his friends, Mathers preferred to, in his own words, be the
fool. The Fool survives King Lear, after all, unless you misinterpret “my poor
fool hanged” and bump off Sylvester McCoy, of course. So his abandoning that,
and going straight for the warzone was a bit of a turn up for the books. He can’t help but
remind you that these rappers are someone’s family, someone’s friends, and
implores society to stop looking at rap music as a shoot em all video game or reality show. And in the
process, the video shows Eminem tearing up for a shot friend, played by Proof
of D12. Who, within a year, was dead. The thing about the Cassandra truth is no
one listens pre-posthumously.
#7 Green Day- Wake Me Up When September Ends
A song about the death of a father, which came to symbolise coping with the aftermaths of world wide disasters in the years to follow.
“It's a personal thing. I've never tackled an issue about that -- about singing about my father," he said. "It's hard to sing, but definitely therapeutic, because it deals with the passing of someone that you love."
Billie Joe Armstrong, to James Montgomery, It’s a Dark Day for Green Day in Somber September Video, MTV 19 April 2005
Armstrong was ten years old when his dad died of cancer. Given the personal spectre, he’s not overly keen on the Twitter meme! Still, its quite something to write about a personal tragedy in such an open way that it becomes part of the grieving process for millions of people you’ve never met.
#6 Sugababes - Push the Button
Once of those songs I couldn’t have assumed was for me, but which lingers. So perhaps it works better yet for those who live this sort of thing. Or maybe not. Voyager seems to be the Trek for non-Trekkies after all. Also, malaprop time, the chorus is not “if you’re ready to pump me boy”. I have no idea how my mind conjured that one up.
#4 Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc
This Gorillaz track peaked at number two on the charts, but the thrice Grammy nominated track has won out as one of the most memorable songs of the entire decade. De la Soul won a Grammy for their singing, but the flow from the opening through Blur into hip hop flows so well, accompanied with the manic laughter. There’s even a shout out to Ghost Town. (Rest in peace, Terry Hall. Too much. Too young.)
#3 My Chemical Romance - Helena
A club favourite by a band I used to mock because my sister liked them. Every closing time at the weekend in the Cathouse, on would go the Helena track, and everyone would try and emulate the dance as seen in the music video. Sans the video, there is a pleasing seesaw element to the lyrical balance of this tune that reminds me of 1950s Betjeman in full swing.
And it references Lisa Marie Presley, too. RIP. If people in music could stop dying young, these retrospectives wouldn’t look so depressing.
This melancholic threnody looking on the fickle finger of fame, by any realm of music, ought to be number one for the year 2005. It’s the best song.
However, I was asked to look less depressing this time, so I give you a defence of my actual number one:
#1 Nizlopi - The JCB Song
Rock and roll, man! Err...
By far the outstanding song of 2005. And I can hear the dissent already. The song frequently appears on Worst Number Ones Ever type lists. “Tractors and saccharine folk do not mix” said NME in 2017, completely missing the point.
Because to take The JCB Song at literal level is to miss the point. This is an anthem for the connection between child and father, a two fingered salute to the patrons of social masculinity who have an easier time with loud guitars and swearing than with the concept of genuine love.
The JCB Song is a love song, from a child to a parent. The lyrics tell a simple story. Young Luke is bullied at school for his disabilities. His dad defends him, and picks him up from school each day in his work tractor, and cheers him up with stories and tales. And decades later, the adult Luke still fondly remembers how much safer he felt when his dad was around. “I’m 5 years old and my dad’s a giant sitting beside me singing…”
And really, what the song does is show the difference of perspective. A few years ago we were on the way home from Troon on a visit to see Duncan Lunan and I got this revelation. There I was, doing my best not to convey social anxiety while I counted the change in my pocket and waited for a train to show up on time. Sarah on the other hand was dancing on the platform next to me, a ball of excitement, not a worry in her head. And then my mind went back to numerous day trips with mum and dad, and me acting like a wee loon, and I realised: for them, these day trips were a military precision anxiety nightmare. For me, it was a cool day out. Now I’m the one taking care of someone else’s cool day out. The generations have a distinct perspective. I see a trip to the local shops as a place to get necessities, Sarah sees them as a magical adventure where she can twirl and persuade her auld dad to buy chocolate! And so on.
This is prevalent in The JCB Song too. The dad picks up the kid each day as part of a routine, after a full day's work. For the son, it’s the most important thing in his life. “My dad’s probably had a bloody hard day but he’s been good fun and bubblin and joking away” cuts through the listener, or it should. There’s your staple parent/child relationship. However many troubles we have in life – and fuck knows there’s shitloads in Brexit Britain – you put them to one side and be Silly Dad. Or Silly Mum. Or Silly Aunt/Uncle/Grandparent/Honorary Family Member/etc etc. There is NO alternative.
An anthem for the Silly Dads of the World, whose day-to-day normal routines are hopefully fondly remember long after they go grey and pass on out of this existence. Nizlopi might be a one hit wonder oft scorned, but damn if it doesn’t cut through you like a knife, maybe ask yourself why not.
Oh and the same time, listen to the Amateur Transplants version of this, the NHS Song, and ask why the country is still struggling through governmental own goals in the same areas of society twenty years later.
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