Rumble predicts

 As my attempts to predict the Rumbles were so popular last year (read - 2 or 3 people clicked like...) here's my attempts to predict/book the 2021 ones, based on, well, a little bit of current storyline and a whole lot of wishful thinking...

And WWE completely changed their plans and announced the first two in the mens, not the womens, so this from 3 days ago is already out of date!

Womens Rumble

WWE have announced they will reveal #1 and #2 ahead of time, which is so stupid I can only assume it makes sense if its folk currently involved.

So I have #1 as Nia Jax (yeah, she cant survive the full match from here...)
#2 is possibly her fellow Tag team champ by this point, Shayna Baszler.

They do a Demolition, by which I mean beat each other up instead of wait for 3rd.

#3 is Tamina, who is in, and eliminated in about 40 seconds. Shayna and Nia beat up on each other again.

#4 is NXT's Shotzi Blackheart, former rival of Shayna. Shayna hates her so she gets crushed a bit but hangs on by getting in between Nia and Shayna.

#5 is Peyton and she gets in a few moves before Nia Jax does some ludicrously dangerous looking move (see her entire move set for examples).

#6 is Billy Kay sprinting to the ring. "I'll save you, old friend!" Runs into the ring and gets immediately tossed out in Bushwacker territory time by Nia Jax. Peyton is dumped by Nia, but then Shayna sneaks up behind her partner and eliminates Nia Jax. Shayna then destroys Shotzi who really needs some help.

#7 is Kacy Catnazaro from NXT, who has the perfect high fly flippyness to be a success in the rumble and floors Shayna with some quick moves. She and Shotzi team up but can't get rid of the former MMA woman.

#8 is Dakota Kai who attacks Kacy from behind and basically screws up their momentum.

#9 is surprise entry Melina, last seen in a WWE ring 11 years ago. She does some of her old moves as the piped in audience sound cheers.

#10 is Ember Moon.
#11 is Candice LeRae

Ring starting to fill up. There's only about 18 healthy women available on the main roster hence lots of NXT women.

#12 is Nikki Cross, who is hyper and beats up on everyone. Shayna takes a break in the corner. Kacy hits her ludicrous finisher off the top rope on Dakota Kai before turning round into an Eclipse.

#13 is Toni Storm.

#14 is Natalya. Kacy does some cool move and then Candice ruins it by dumping her to the floor, to huge boos.

#15 is Naomi, back from a long injury layoff. She does her usual hyper move set.

#16 is Bayley. She eliminates Shotzi off her blindspot to huge boos, and then works with Toni Storm to beat up Ember Moon. Dakota Kai and Nikki Cross have a series of near eliminations on the far side.

#17 is Indi Hartwell, who runs to the aide of Candice. Mentor and protege team up on Melina and send her to elimination land. Population - Melina.

#18 is Ruby Riott. She goes after Candice and Indi and is faced with a 2 on 1 situation. Dakota Kai is doing the Road Dogg move, lying down near the bottom rope and holding onto it. The commentary argues if this is smart or cowardly.

#19 is Liv Morgan, the other Riott Squad member, who runs in to save Ruby. They have a show down with The Way.

#20 is Bianca Belair and the Thunderdome fans faces notably perk up. The EST gets in there and beats on everyone. Candice and Indi go to double team here and she shows off her strength by reversing and eliminating both of them at the same time.

#21 is Mandy Rose. Bayley eliminates Natalya. The fake noise boos but none of the audience on Zoom seem to care.

#22 is Io Shirai, who sprints down to the ring, does some cool moves, and eliminates Liv Morgan.

#23 is Reckoning of Retribution, who looks suspiciously like Mia Yim in an awful mask. She does little of note.

#24 is Lacey Evans, flanked by Ric Flair. Lots of wooos. Evans takes out Ruby Riott. The ring is getting crowded.

#25 is Rhea Ripley. Reckoning meets her as she enters and Rhea eliminates her with ease. Quick show down with Toni Storm who bails, then Bayley, who storms off? Ripley eliminates Toni Storm. Dakota Kai is still hanging onto the bottom rope.

#26 is Charlotte Flair, who makes a beeline for Lacey Evans, who is currently trying to seduce Ric Flair. Or succeeding, given its a Ric Flair storyline. Charlotte eliminates Lacey and tells Ric to f*** off. Charlotte and Io exchange a few moves that has the internet dreaming of big matches.

#27 is Dana Brooke, and the commentary talk up the big number.

#28 is Sonya Deville, and everyone cheers her first in-ring spot since Summerslam. She and Mandy Rose have a showdown, which ends in both simultaneously turning round to hit Bayley as the crowd go nuts on their screens.

#29 the place goes dark, its EVIL ALEXA Bliss. Evil Alexa takes out Dana Brooke, and everyone basically tries to avoid her. Bianca nearly eliminates Rhea Ripley all by herself to show more strength.

#30 is RONDA fn ROUSEY, back after 2 years. And everyone stops, except Alexa who is being crazy in the corner with Nikki Cross. Ronda enters the ring and immediately takes out Naomi then Ember Moon. Nikki Cross is hit with the Sister Abigail and thrown out by Alexa. Mandy Rose tries her own against Ronda Rousey but SHAYNA attacks her from behind and the two friends elimate Mandy. Sonya tries to attack them for that but Shayna and Ronda eliminate Sonya.

We're down to Shayna and Ronda, Alexa Bliss acting a creepy f***er, Rhea, Charlotte, Bayley, Io Shirai, Bianca, and Dakota Kai who is still hanging onto the bottom rope for dear life, even when folk try to get her loose.

A breakdown in team work sees this sequence: Alexa Bliss tries to get out Bayley, Rhea Ripley sees this and goes to take them both out, but before she can get Alexa over the top rope, Bianca goes over and eliminates all 3 (Rhea, Bayley and Alexa) in the one move which makes audience and the others in the match freak the f*** out.

We're down to 6! - Shayna #1, Dakota Kai #8, Bianca #20 Io Shirai #22, Charlotte #26 Ronda #30

The MMA duo try to take out Bianca but Bianca takes them down and hits a big move on Charlotte. Knocked to the apron by Io Shirai but fights her off and Shayna before Dakota Kai sneak attacks her from the bottom rope and causes Bianca to fall to the floor. And shes pissed off.

Charlotte and Io Shirai work together against Shayna and Ronda as Dakota Kai shouts encouragement from her spot on the mat. This works as Charlotte and Io both hip toss Shayna to the floor at the same time.

Final four! Shirai knocked down by a cheap block by Dakota. Charlotte and Ronda do the big "We're the big beasts" rumble showdown and start tangling near the ropes, when Io Shirai gets up and eliminates both of them at the same time.

We're down to 2, and Io Shirai turns round and stares a hole in Dakota Kai, who has the face of someone just realising her epic masterplan had one tiny flaw. She tries to bail but Io Shirai grabs her and absolutely murderises her, eliminating her easily for some karma after 40 mins of heel tactics screwing over all the other babyfaces in the match.

Io Shirai of NXT wins the Rumble, shes the NXT Womens champ, shes undefeated, and shes got a shot against one of the major champs at WrestleMania 37!

Mens Rumble

Right first up - I have cheated slightly. You know how last year they just announced Lashley had got in a fight backstage and was too hurt to be in the Rumble match? Well, I have Miz and Morrison interfering in the Drew/Goldberg match to cash in the MITB, and both getting so beaten up as a result they cannot be in the Rumble, thus saving up TWO MYSTERY SPOTS.

Hey is it really a cheat if the WWE have done it themselves a few times? Hah

#1 is... Daniel Bryan. Commentary talk up the chances of going post to post and Shawn in 95 gets its annual mention.

#2 is Johnny Gargano of NXT, and Twitter has a meltdown-gasm.

These two have a fun two mins of near eliminations and cool sequences.

#3 is Sami Zayn, who comes out with a mic and denounces the conspiracy that has given him such a dreadful position on the card. He plans to protest it by...handcuffing himself outside the ring to the bottom rope, making it impossible for anyone to eliminate him. And yes, hes brought signs: JUSTICE FOR SAMI and so on.

#4 is AJ Styles, flanked by his big bodyguard Omos. AJ, Gargano and Bryan face off in the ring and Twitter continues to go nuts.

#5 is Murphy. More cool spots. Gargano goes over the top rope and holds on but nearly crashes into Sami. "They're all out to get me!" he cries.

#6 is Coach Chad Gable, the second man in a row to make his Rumble debut. Chad attacks AJ Styles.

#7 is Andrade back from a long injury layoff. Certainly not filling the ring with great wrestlers early on, honest. Chad is giving Bryan coaching tips in the corner.

#8 is Cesaro, who does some big swings. He grabs AJ and flings him out of the ring but right into Omos's arms who catch him and put him safely back in the ring.

#9 is Apollo Crews, recently turned heel, who has a grumble fest with Sami on the floor, then sneaks in under the bottom rope and takes down Gable with a big move.

#10 is Ricochet who got into the match after all and hits some nice moves.

We've hit 1/3rd of the entrants and had lots of near falls but no eliminations yet for first time in Rumble history. Tbf I see this early portion as being like 2003/2018 - people in the ring when needed, resting/arguing with Sami when not, so there's always something going on in the ring...

#11 is the recently turned face Nakamura. He is a ball of energy. Pretty much everyone is tied up now and Nakamura takes down Gable.

#12 is DAMIAN PRIEST. The NXT star rushes in and takes everyone to the mat with big kicks and moves. Hes the only man standing as the clock ticks down to the next entrant.

#13. You think you know me. EDGE is back and the crowd go nuts. On zoom. Edge has a stare down with Priest. Dodges big kick, off the ropes, SPEAR. Chad Gable rushes Edge and is back dropped out the ring to the floor and he goes nuts, because he's been coaching folk on Rumble tips on Smackdown all month yet is the first man eliminated from the match. Edge is working over Gargano in the corner (who is trying hard not to mark out in sight of the cameras) when...

#14 Randy Orton comes out. Edge stares down Orton. They have a fight in the middle of the ring. Punctuated by RKOs to Bryan and Cesaro.

Countdown to 15 starts. Buzzer goes.

The lights go out and The Fiends music plays!

The lights slowly come back on as Orton looks around for The Fiend, and then... Edge from behind eliminates Randy Orton. He is pissed. Fiend laughter, back to normal and out comes Otis as the real number 15. Orton is f***ed off and RKO's Otis on the ramp. Bryan rushes to his pals aide and Orton f***s off. Otis is injured but bravely struggles into the ring.

#16 is Sheamus. Big kicks and punches.

#17 is Adam Cole, Baby! A lot of near falls going on, with every new person hitting a bunch of moves to look good in the spotlight.

#18 is Angel Garza, who enters the match as Sheamus eliminates Otis. Damien Priest nearly eliminates Edge! Bryan and Gargano mix it up again. Sami Zayn grabs Apollo Crews legs from outside the ring and trips him up.

#19 is Dominik Mysterio. He hits some moves. The ring is the most crowded its been in Rumble history here.

#20 is Aleistar Black, back from a big injury layoff. He hits Black Mass on AJ Styles who goes over the top rope but lands on Sami Zayn who is still handcuffed to the ropes. This allows Omos to grab AJ and save him again.

#21 is Jeff Hardy. Hits some of his trademark moves and the Swanton in a crowded ring because nutter.

#22 is The Family's number two, Jey Uso. He runs in and starts beating on Edge. Edge fights back, but in a shock moment, AJ Styles knocks him to the floor with Omos's help. Revenge for 2020. Edge's dream is broken. Omos stands between Edge and the ring to prevent retribution. Not Retribution, they arrive later...

#23 is Rey Mysterio. Andrade and Garza are fighting and Rey/Dominik dump both of them.

#24 is IC Champ Big E! He makes a beeline for Apollo Crews who has been hassling him in recent weeks and eliminates him with ease. And thats actually Big E's first ever Rumble elimination for some reason!

#25, The Hurt Business music plays and out comes Lashley, surrounded by MVP, Cedric and Shelton wearing their snazzy suits, and business is about to pick up.

Ricochet immediately goes for him in ring, and Lashley tosses him to the floor. Lashley hits the Full Lashley on Murphy and tosses the limp Australian to the floor too. He turns and hits a massive spear on Gargano who sells it like he got hit by an atom bomb. Business, sucessfully picked up. MVP and Sami Zayn argue outside the ring.

#26 is Dolph Ziggler as Lashley throws Jeff Hardy to the land of the eliminated.

#27 is Ali, flanked by all your Retribution favourites, and also the rest of Retribution. All 4 men eliminate Rey and Dominik even though only one man is legally in the Rumble. They then attack Cesaro and Nakamura.

#28 is... Keithy Keith Lee.

Keith Lee totally dominates, eliminating Ziggler because no one cares about him. He and Sheamus have a show down and Sheamus tries to eliminate KEith so he eliminates Sheamus instead.

#29 is the returning Seth Rollins.

#30 is... BROCK brock brock brock, brock brock brock brock (you can hum that to his theme tune)

Uh-oh, FAN forum is starting to panic...

Brock tosses out Johnny Gargano. He takes out every member of Retribution and eliminates Ali. He jumps to the floor, snaps Sami Zayns handcuff and F5s him on the floor, before rolling him into the ring and tossing him back out again.

Brock goes nuts with german suplexes before Nakamura hits right direct in the face with the Kinshasa. Brock hobbles into the corner, Running Knee by Bryan, running corner hit by Lee, Big Ending by Big E and finally Bobby Lashley with the running clothesline to send Brock out of the match and eliminated!

Instantly a Bobby Lashley Appreciation Thread appears on the Freakin' Awesome Forums...

Big E eliminates Jey Uso, who distracts Big E long enough for AJ Styles to eliminate him. Damian Priest gets a second wind which ends when Lashley eliminates him. Aleistar Black is eliminated by Daniel Bryan.

We're down to 8!

Dnaiel Bryan (#1), AJ Styles (#4), Cesaro (#8), Nakamura (#11), Adam Cole (#17), Lashley (#25), Keith Lee (#28) and Seth Rollns (#29).

Quick exchange sequence leads to Bryan eliminating Rollins.

Cesaro and Nakamura dissension, brawl near the ropes and Lashley eliminates both of them.

Dwon to 5 and Keith Lee is in control until MVP hits a lowblow from outside the ring, and AJ and Lashley eliminate Big Keith.

Final four time!

AJ Styles is hit by the Big Spear, and Cole hits a suicide dive through the middle ropes onto Omos who crashes into MVP. Omos and Cedric/Shelton battle, which distracts AJ Styles, and Cole flips him over his head to the floor.

The final 3 are Daniel Bryan, Lashley and Adam Cole of NXT!

Cole gets a few hope spot moments before Lashley kills him with a massive Spear, and eliminates him.

Daniel Bryan has broken the Rumble ironman record, and is out on his feet, Lashleys been in there a while but is a monster. Killing Bryan with big moves. Bryan refuses to be eliminated. Burst of energy, Cedric and Shelton get in the ring, Running Knee to Shelton, Running knee to Cedric, BIG SPEAR FROM LASHLEY.

Lashley is running out of energy to lift up Bryan now though (hes legit been in there circa 30 mins by basic passage of time), and Bryan recovers enough to do the big kicks to slow down Lashley.

Lashley goes to rush clothesline Bryan but at the last second Bryan ducks and momentum lifts Lashley by the legs over the top rope just like Gable and Otis showed him on Smackdown 2 weeks ago (the running theme being Bryan picked every tip people offered him).

Lashleys on the apron but holding on, running knee to the face, hes down to one knee but still holding on and the commentary are going nuts about how do you stop Lashley, but he's wobbling, big kick to the face, Bryan backs up, hits the running knee again and Lashley hits the floor.

Daniel Bryan becomes the 3rd man to win from the 1st spot, and lasted 80 minutes to book a spot with the unbeatable Roman Reigns at WrestleMania.

(Oh and the reason for the crowding - you can lose track of folk so the crowd start going nuts on their screens when it gets down to 7 or 8 left and they all realise Bryan is still there after the 2015 debacle!)