The Smugglers

 

The Smugglers

(Episode 1)

 

Only 8 more Hartnell episodes.

And this is another bloody recon. Bloody as in the episode is bloody missing, not bloody as in "these wonderful people have put together what we've got left through hard work". Thanks, folks. You recon folk are great. It's the episode junkers who get the Paddington Bear stare.

Not helped by this episode being a very visual one, the gory bits - kept because the Australian censors axed them - look visually attractive, and the limited location footage left suggests this story was very visually attractive. Bah and humbug.

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Ben and Polly are shocked that the TARDIS is bigger on the inside.

The Doctor is shocked that they are in the TARDIS.

 

DOCTOR: How dare you follow me into the Tardis!
BEN: The what?
DOCTOR: The Tardis, sir! This is a vessel for travelling through time and space! Why did you follow me?
POLLY: I'm terribly sorry if we've annoyed you, Doctor. It was my fault, I'm afraid.
BEN: Well, what's all this then.
DOCTOR: And stand back from those controls. Those controls are used for dematerialising.
BEN: Dematerialising? What does that mean?
DOCTOR: You and this young lady are experiencing it. You are now travelling through time and space.
BEN: Yeah, well, make sure that I get back by teatime, Doctor. I've got to get back to my ship by tonight.
DOCTOR: Young man, it's going to be a long time before you see your ship again.

 

Grumpy Doctor is Grumpy.

He doth protest a bit much though. We saw a few stories ago he didn't want to be alone.

The "you see that scanner? That is what I call a scanner" line appears in many fluff selections but without the moving pictures that could highly unjust. For all we know, Hartnell is pointing at it to an incredulous Ben and Polly!

 

They've landed in a cave.

Ben refuses to believe they've travelled.

 

Ben and Polly walk into the cave, which opens out into the beach. Polly freaks out.

The Doctor decides to lock the TARDIS and see where they are, and Ben goes off to find a bus to get back to London.

 

DOCTOR: Well, I suppose I shall have to chase after them. Quite incapable of looking after themselves.

 

But he says it with a hmm and a twinkle, and we know the Doctor is secretly glad to have company.

Polly thinks it is Cornwall. Right place, wrong century. Ben wants to get back to barracks. The Doctor slowly follows them.

They reach the top of the cliff.

BEN: Here, look, there's a church.
POLLY: So we are in our own time, after all.
BEN: Yeah. You didn't really believe all that nonsense about past and future, did you?
DOCTOR: We can't be too sure, my boy.
BEN: Sure? There are millions of churches like that.
DOCTOR: Oh, good gracious, most of them have been standing there for centuries.
BEN: Yeah, well so have we here. Come on, I've got a train to catch.
POLLY: Sorry Doctor, but we'd better find a station. We can talk on the train.
DOCTOR: Oh, talk on the train, child.

 

The Doctor is very amused by their inability to take in time travel.

The Doctor then takes them to a graveyard so he can read the inscriptions. He thinks it is 16-18th Century due to the lack of Victorian restoration. The Doctor, another man in the M.R. James style of disliking the gothic revival.

 

They are interrupted by a suspicious Terence de Marney! de Marney was a regular film actor in the 1950s, you can see him often on Talking Pictures. No Way Back, where he plays a down on his luck boxer, is a particularly good one. He'd gone to chase the Hollywood bucks, but was back in England by this time, playing smaller TV roles like this one. Tragically, only a few years after The Smugglers was filmed, Terence de Marney died horrifically when, aged 63, he fell under an oncoming train at Kensington High Street tube station. An accidental death, but, like the grim fates of other unfortunate actors, it hangs over all of his tragic TV and film roles.

He's a suspicious church warden, and his tongue seems unlike a man of god.

 

LONGFOOT: There's the brandy.
POLLY: Oh, I'll just have a little water, thank you.
DOCTOR: No, we don't touch it. I wonder if you could direct us to the nearest inn. We seek shelter.
LONGFOOT: In time. In good time. I don't know thee, do I?
DOCTOR: No, I don't think we've met before, no.

 

Longfoot snaps at Ben, and the Doctor calms the situation. Longfoot is clearly on edge but doesn't want any help.

 

POLLY: Are you a priest then?
LONGFOOT: A priest? The word of God touched me too late, boy. I'm the Churchwarden here. Name of Joseph Longfoot, Christian.
DOCTOR: You appear to be afraid, sir. Can we help?
LONGFOOT: Ye help? Against Pike's hook? No, thee cannot help.
POLLY: Pike's hook? What's that?
LONGFOOT: The blackest name I know, boy. So never say it to me face again!

 

The man awaits his end and refuses any help from the Doctor. I feel like this would be a fondly remembered doomed Dr Who character, if the episode existed.

Longfoot points out the tide is in, so they can't get to the TARDIS.

Longfoot is aware someone is nearby and pushes the Doctor and friends away from his church.

 

LONGFOOT: Goodbye. Hey! One more word, sir. If you should come this way again and find me gone, remember these words. This is Deadman's secret key. Smallwood, Ringwood, Gurney.
DOCTOR: But what to? What's the purpose, sir?
LONGFOOT: It's a secret worth remembering.

 

Then the Doctor, Ben and Polly walk off and leave poor old Longfoot to his fate.

And as they leave, George A Cooper is seen hiding in the graveyard. "The bald man", as the recon calls Mr Griffiths, arms himself with a knife and sneaks into the church after Longfoot.

The landlord of a nearby inn tells his stable boy to pass on some conspiracy messages. It sounds like he's smuggling something.

 

Stable boy Tom gets on a horse in briefly moving footage.

The Landlord didn't want anything to do with the Doctor, until the Doctor name checks Longfoot, in which case everyone gets much friendlier.

The landlord thinks Polly is a boy.

Ben thinks this is hilarious.

 

BEN: Look, Doctor, what I want to know is, how are you going to get us out of here?
DOCTOR: Oh, we shall return to the Tardis, my boy, when the tide recedes and let's hope that we materialize in nineteen sixty six.
POLLY: You don't sound very certain, Doctor.
DOCTOR: No, I'm afraid I'm not, my dear. More likely we shall probably land in the far distant future.

 

As will become a running theme, Polly adapts to the new scenario much quicker than Ben.

Longfoot has waited for his doom by getting drunk, and then stumbles into Cherub (ie George A Cooper).

 

CHERUB: It's nice to see an old shipmate again, eh, Joe? We had good times aboard the Albatross when you was mate, ay?
LONGFOOT: Them days is gone and past.
CHERUB: Ah, but not forgotten. Not by your old friends, Joe.
LONGFOOT: I'm no friend of yours. I'm Churchwarden here. A Christian man.
CHERUB: You always had the leaning towards the Good Book. Holy Joe Longfoot, mate of the Black Albatross.
LONGFOOT: No more I'm not.
CHERUB: We miss you, matey. But most of all does the Captain.
LONGFOOT: The Captain. Captain Pike?
CHERUB: You owes him something matey. He wants what's his.
LONGFOOT: I got naught what his.
CHERUB: If you ain't got it, you knows it's whereabouts. Avery's gold.
LONGFOOT: No Christian man'd touch it.
CHERUB: We ain't all like you, Holy Joe. We ain't all afraid of the curse that's on it, and it's ours by right.
LONGFOOT: Tis no man's rights.
CHERUB: We'll decide that when we get the loot.

 

A lot of exposition, yes, but exposition with a knife being held to one man. It sounds like a forceful scene between two good actors. Stress on sounds.

Cherub knows the Doctor and Longfoot spoke, but Longfoot refuses to tell Cherub what he told the Doctor.

 

"You can rot in hell" he tells the pirate and splashes his drink in the man's face. He turns for his gun, but Cherub is too quick and throws his knife into the churchwardens back, who screams in pain. This we get to see. Thank you, squeamish censors of the 1960s, now why couldn't you have cut more. No one was thinking of the children! Err, the children of the 1980s who would get upset by missing episodes being a thing.

 

Longfoot dies in Cherub's arms. Fare ye well, de Marney.

Smugglers signal to each other on the clifftop. It probably looked great.

The Doctor finishes off his meal.

Tom the boy shows up and tells the landlord that Longfoot is dead. Jacob the Landlord tells him to get the Squire. He clearly thinks the Doctor did it.

Meanwhile Cherub enters the inn.

 

CHERUB: I want you, old fella.
DOCTOR: I beg your pardon, sir?
CHERUB: Don't you come the gent with me, matey. We're going to have words together, you and me.
BEN: Get your dirty hands off him, mate.

 

Cherub demands the Doctor talks, but he refuses of course. So, the Doctor is kidnapped by the pirates.

Ben tried to intervene but was clubbed down. The pirates put the Doctor on a straw cart and take him off to the seaside.

The landlord tells Polly off for speaking out of turn, and the tired looking Squire shows up. None the wiser to what is going on (Or is he?).

 

SQUIRE: Be silent, sir! I hold you both to be knaves and rogues and of highly suspicious intent. And as Magistrate of this Borough, I'm hereby arresting both of you.
BEN: Arresting us? What for?
SQUIRE: For the murder of the Churchwarden. And for this villainous deed you'll be imprisoned until the next Assizes, and there punished accordingly.

 

Yes, they know it was Cherub. There's a lot of backstabbing (literally!) and double crossing and shenanigans going on.

Cherub, on his pirate ship, tells his captain, Pike, that the Doctor refuses to divulge the secret of the treasure to anyone. Pike insists he will talk to Pike and slams his twisted hook hand down on the table.

 

Ray Dexter writes that everyone who claims The Smugglers is underrated and not actually very boring has clearly never seen it. Well, I think that 25 minutes would be considerably better thought of if we still had it. It must be down the back of a sofa somewhere.

Fast moving and fits a lot of plots into one episode, highly enjoyable.

 

The Smugglers

(Episode 2)

 

So, the Doctor has been captured, by pirates. The Doctor refuses to talk to Pike. They tell him that Longfoot (deceased) was a former member of their crew.

 

PIKE: Old man, are ye truly a sawbones?
DOCTOR: I would prefer you to use the correct term, sir. I am a doctor.
PIKE: Well, Doctor, ye had best start using your cleverness. So talk, before I let Cherub have ye.
CHERUB: Let me show him first, Captain, ay? Let me give him a taste of Thomas Tickler.
PIKE: He'd be a credit to your trade, would Cherub, Doctor. A touch like an angel's wing he has with that blade.
CHERUB: Sharp as a whistle, it is.

 

Hartnell sounds wonderfully aggrieved at them.

We all knew that guy from Grange Hill had a sadistic side to his nature! 

Meanwhile Ben and Polly have been jailed for murder. Ben quips that he can't show up for the 17th Century Navy.

Polly is scared by a rat.

Tom is in charge of the prisoners; chit chats a bit. Then Polly decides that Tom must be superstitious and dim witted and comes up with a plan.

 

DOCTOR: If I am to reveal something of what I know, then I demand consideration, sir.
CHERUB: Don't listen to him, Captain. There's trickery afoot.
DOCTOR: Oh, I find your friend rather a bore, but you I think a gentleman. So let us talk like gentlemen.
CHERUB: Captain?
PIKE: What makes you think I like gentlemen, ay?
DOCTOR: Well, it's quite obvious to the perceptive eye, sir. Your dress, your manner, your taste. Yes, you're the type of man that has raised himself to an exalted position unaided.

 

The Doctor sweet talks Pike into a friendlier demeanour. Cherub doesn't like the Doctor, or anyone.

But when he tries to warn Pike, Pike threatens to kill him anyway. No loyalty among this bunch.

The Doctor talks up the possibility of a share in the reward if he reveals what he knows about the treasure, and both men sip wine. This is probably a funny scene with moving pictures.

Jamaica enters the scene to tell the captain there's another boat coming up, claiming friendliness. "If it's a revenue man, you can kill him", Pike tells Cherub.

 

Now, Elroy Josephs was a pioneer. Moving from his homeland of Jamaica in the 1950s, he was one of the first successful British black dancers, and the first black dance tutor in the UK. He became connected to the Liverpool arts movement, was an expert in the history of the Caribbean slave trade and had a memorial exhibition in the city a few years ago, having died prematurely in 1997. He brought his dancing talent to Adam Adamant Lives, and played a lawyer in Theatre 265, as well as roles in Peer Gynt and Thelonius.

This was coupled with pay cheques for lesser spots like Love Thy Neighbour, and, err, this role right here. Which is as ship simpleton. He has a memorable death scene in the next episode, but not a great lot of characterisation in the lead up to that death.

 

Ben and Polly escape the prisoner by tricking Tom into believing there's a voodoo curse on them all. I've got nothing to say here.

 

Ok, I will say, Dr Who and their companions should never be cowardly or cruel.

 

The man on the boat was Kewper the Inn Keeper. He wants to do a deal with the pirates. Kewper, you see, is a smuggler. Who knew there'd be smugglers in The Smugglers?

This leads to a legit funny moment where the murderous Captain Pike acts offended that people think he'd work with smugglers, as he "keeps a clean ship"!

Pike decides to talk to the Squire, who he quickly deduces is head of the smugglers. Nice to be told this instead of shown it.

This is a very functional Episode 2, in the way Episode 1 wasn't.

Kewper realises he's bit off more than he can chew, and is now a prisoner like the Doctor.

Pike tells Jamaica to treat the Doctor and Kewper well, unless they act funny, in which case he's to kill them.

 

Ben and Polly investigate the old church.

A mysterious man sneaks into the church, and thinking it's the killer, Ben thumps him.

Ben and Polly rush off to find the TARDIS and Doctor.

 

On the boat to shore, Pike asks Cherub if he looks "presentable". By the sounds of it, Michael Godfrey is having an absolute ball of a time in this role, but then, grimly, he's another in the long list of Smugglers cast that didn't see 65: Godfrey, de Marney, Whitsun Jones (who died unexpectedly from appendicitis not long after his second Dr Who appearance in the Pertwee era), Josephs, and of course, Michael Craze. To say nothing of the script writer, the script editor and the producer!

Jack Bligh, on the other hand, died about a year after filming his scenes as Gaptooth, one of the minor pirates, but then, as he was 78 at the time, he was one of the oldest actors to appear in classic Who!

 

BEN: All right mate. Let's hear what you've got to say for yourself.
BLAKE: Untie me at once, you rogue. Do you not know who I am?

 

I know that voice! It's John Ringham! Remember, Tlotoxl from The Aztecs? A regular stage and TV actor, and Shakespearean fixture, Ringham added instance class to any production. And Episode 2 of the Smugglers needed that!

Ringham's Blake tries to convince Ben he is the local revenue man (police) inspecting the smuggling ring, but Ben is unconvinced and then checks out the escape route to the beach that the revenue man found.

 

PIKE: Belay that, ye dolt. We are honest men, remember? Now, here is our plan. We'll find out all we need to know about these little villains.
CHERUB: Smugglers, huh.
PIKE: And we'll take their store, find Avery's treasure, and this into the bargain.

 

So yes, the smugglers all thought they were the big villains of the piece. But then, one of their number was a former pirate turned man of the church. And his old comrades showed up, proving that the little smuggling ring is small potatoes next to widespread international villainy. The classic tale of the villager villains who bit off more than they could chew.

And now that their death warrants are sealed, they are none the wiser.

 

 PIKE: Merchants, sir. Honest merchants.
SQUIRE: By my favourite mare, that's witty, Business, indeed,
PIKE: The very word friend Kewper used himself, sir.
CHERUB: Aye.
SQUIRE: Aye. Where is the fellow. Should he not be handling this affair?
CHERUB: Aye, that he is, sir. He's back at the ship accounting our various merchandise.
PIKE: Aye, such silks, such brandy and tobacco. Aye, Squire, indeed.
SQUIRE: Oh, this is worthy of a toast, gentlemen. I insist you drink with me. Brandy, eh? Silks and tobaccos. Well, here's to a fine cargo and a gallant captain.
PIKE: And here's to a good landfall and no tales told.

 

The Squire and Pike try to bull¤¤¤¤ each other. Again, probably funny if you can see it.

The Squire does a deal with Pike. Polly tries to get involved and denounces Cherub as the kidnapper of the Doctor.

Meanwhile, Kewper is freaking out.

 

KEWPER: Pike is the bloodiest pirate now alive, sir. No one has ever seen that deadly hook and lived.
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, I quite agree. A somewhat violent man.
KEWPER: Why did he take you, sir?
DOCTOR: Oh, because he thought that I held the secret of the treasure belonging to the deceased pirate, Avery.
KEWPER: Avery's gold? Buried ashore?
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, he's determined to get it. Apparently, the Churchwarden knew something about it.
KEWPER: Then Pike'll have it, sir, or raze the village to the ground in the finding of it.
DOCTOR: But the officers of the law?
KEWPER: Oh, they'd be no match for Pike's men, sir. Once he's laid his plans, we and the village are lost. We must get back word to them, sir.

 

The Squire refuses to believe Polly's tale, so captures her.

Polly goes "These men are villains!" and Pike in pretend horror goes "Do we look so black-hearted?" Hah.

Ben goes to talk to the revenue man, to tell him of his plan for escape, but then the Squire appears in the church crypt, gun in hand, announcing he has captured them.

Some of the talking scenes seemed like they'd be quite good. The whole voodoo rubbish is like some curse of the black spot, however.

 

The Smugglers

(Episode 3)

 

Ben has been captured by the Squire and Pike. The Squire calls the pirates "honest gentlemen", before Blake calls out.

The Squire panics seeing Blake there, releasing him from Ben's knots.

Pike suggests claiming Ben and Polly are smugglers, and so they are put into Blake's custody.

The Doctor lays playing cards on the table, and the Doctor pretends he can tell fortunes with them.

 

DOCTOR: Do you wish me to tell you?
KEWPER: Aye! I have no fear of what lies therein.
DOCTOR: Ah, such brave words, my friend, brave words. But these cards hold the secret to your life or death.
JAMAICA: I can tell you that without cards. Death!
DOCTOR: Do not mock that which you do not understand.
KEWPER: Oh, come, old man. Tell me what the future holds. Read the cards.
DOCTOR: Very well, my friend, very well. Be it on your own head.

 

The Doctor then tells a story about the various cards. The Jack of Clubs, the knave, is the innkeeper, who is aggrieved by that. The Jack of Spades is Cherub and his stabbing fixation. The King of Spades is "the blackest villain of all", which everyone accepts is Captain Pike. The Ace of Spades represents death itself. And the final card?

 

KEWPER: And this one, the Jack of Diamonds, what is he?
DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid I have no idea about that, sir, but I can assure you he will triumph in the end.

 

Hah!

Bit of an ego, Doctor. But yes, he's just predicted that not only will he triumph, but that most of the rest will die. What a cheery party guest he is!

The Doctor offers to tell Jamaica's fortune, and while distracted, Kewper thumps the pirate.

It's not really a great role, is it?

 

I wonder if it would have been improved at all, if, instead of being caught by the latest "people from the past were a bit thick" trick, Jamaica could have been someone who joined the pirate's crew recently out of a lack of options, and his one character choice is to help the Doctor escape, setting in motion Pike's downfall. So then, if he must die, he dies because Captain Pike knows he's betrayed him, not because he was the dim pirate outsmarted by an old man.

 

The Doctor and Kewper escape to land.

The Squire and Pike jibberjab some more. The Squire shows the secret route to their hidden booze, via an empty grave in the churchyard.

The Squire is trying to blackmail the pirates. They can see through him.

Blake releases Ben and Polly because he thinks the Squire is very untrustworthy.

 

BLAKE: I have not said I hold you in complete trust.
BEN: Oh no, I know, because we're strangers. Anyway, mate, as long as you're against the Squire and those other two layabouts, we're with you.
POLLY: But why don't you trust the Squire?
BLAKE: Word of mouth has it that the Squire rules the smuggling ring, but as yet I have no proof.
BEN: What, can we help?
BLAKE: No, no. This calls for armed men.

 

Blake thinks Pike is a smuggler, so needs to get more revenue men to capture them.

 

BLAKE: This friend of yours, the one you call the Doctor, is he a learned man?
BEN: Oh, not half.
BLAKE: Oh, more's the pity. A soldier or a mercenary at this point would be mighty advantageous.
POLLY: The Doctor may not be a soldier, but he's jolly crafty at getting himself out of trouble. At least, he was when we were in London.
BEN: Yeah.
DOCTOR: Yes, and why not here, my dear?

 

The Doctor reappears to everyone's delight.

Kewper appears and, seeing Blake, assumes the Doctor had set him up to be captured. So, he makes his escape with gunfire.

 

Meanwhile, Pike is furious with Jamaica and threatens to keelhaul him.

Jamaica, with Elroy Josephs making the most of an actual chance to show character, tries to talk the pirate captain round to a plan, but even as the captain agrees with him, he still murders his crewman.

 

JAMAICA: I heard them speak, Captain. They said about going to see the Squire.
PIKE: Ah, that buffoon, what good'll he be to them?
JAMAICA: They said that he was the law.
PIKE: Aye, had he a will he'd call the militia, but I doubt he'll do that.
JAMAICA: Captain, do you think he would lay a trap?
PIKE: It follows, Jamaica.
JAMAICA: So we have to surprise them, Captain.
PIKE: Ye speak straight, Jamaica. They expect us tomorrow night at two of the clock.
JAMAICA: Then, we must go tonight at one.
PIKE: Jamaica, ye'd have made a fine skipper but you're short on guile. Any dark of the night they'll expect us. We'll spike 'em. We'll land by day. Some will go direct to the church and loot the smuggler's horde. Me and Cherub will seek Avery's gold.
JAMAICA: Aye, Captain, plunder the inn, the village, and the Squire's fine hall.
PIKE: Aye, it will be a merry night, but not for ye.

 

And then we get the famous moving pictures from the Australian censors, of Pike dispatching Jamaica via hook to the gut, then cleaning the blood off his prosthetic as he finishes the scene with "fare ye well, Jamaica".

It is a great scene. But if only Jamaica had been more than a good actor and one good scene, eh?

What they actual cut was a discretion shot as Pike stabbed the poor man, and then Pike dropping the bloodied hankie onto the dead corpse of Jamaica.

Which yes, is a shot far too grim for Doctor Who.

And, also, a great shot!

 

Pike makes plans to go ashore at daylight with Cherub, but he can't find him.

 

DOCTOR: Pike intends to sack the old church, and at the same time search for Avery's treasure.
BLAKE: Indeed? Strange secrets, these. But when?
DOCTOR: Well, I can't be exact, sir, but pretty soon. I should say tonight or tomorrow night.
BLAKE: Ah, then help is desperately needed if these pirates are to be thwarted.
DOCTOR: Yes, especially if, as Kewper thinks, that the village will be pillaged and burnt too.
BEN: Aye, what for?
BLAKE: 'Tis Pike's way. Death is second nature to him.
DOCTOR: Yes, at least the smugglers will have prior knowledge of Pike's plan now that Kewper has escaped.
BLAKE: If they're at each other's throats, this should give me the time I need to get men and arms.

 

Blake rushes off to get reinforcements.

Ben tells Polly and the Doctor about the secret passage down to where the TARDIS is, and Polly is delighted, but the Doctor worried. Polly asks the Doctor what is up, and well, here you go:

 

BEN: What's the trouble, Doctor?
DOCTOR: Well, I'm afraid, my boy, we can't leave at the moment.
POLLY: What? But why not?
DOCTOR: Yes, well I know it's really difficult for both you to understand, but I'm under moral obligation.
BEN: Well, about what? We've got no ties here.
DOCTOR: No, but it's this village. I feel that I might be responsible for it's destruction, and therefore I must at least try and avoid this danger until Blake comes back.
BEN: Yeah, but you heard what Blake said. We wouldn't stand a chance against Pike's mob. They're a right bunch of yobbos.
POLLY: We wouldn't stand a chance.
DOCTOR: Ah, wouldn't we, my dear?
BEN: Well, what does that mean?
DOCTOR: Well, you seem to forget, young man, that I've already met Pike, and I know something that he doesn't.

 

In The Savages, we got the Doctor's stance against bigotry and exploitation across the universe. In The War Machines, he saw him stand against unstoppable evil, because he was the only one who could.

And now, we have the final piece of the puzzle. The travelling wizard, who, when others face danger, must stay behind to help them out. Even if they have done nothing to help him. The genesis of the Doctor Who character we all know, and love, is complete, and here he is. He can from this point on, cannot leave people to be harmed through inaction. Villainy throughout the universe has met its nemesis, and that is Doctor ¤¤¤¤ing Who, mate.

Ben and Polly agree to help, and the Doctor is delighted with them!

Meanwhile they were unaware Cherub was eavesdropping and he threatens Tom with a knife.

Kewper tells the Squire it was Pike he was talking to, and the Squire panics.

Did he not notice the bloody hook? Bit of a giveaway.

 

But the Squire now knows that Avery's gold is hidden at the church, and he becomes heavy with greed.

So Kewper suggests they go look for the gold now, during the day, as the deal with the pirates was to meet during the day.

Everyone is trying to blackmail each other!

 

The Squire and Kewper take off for the church.

Ben and Polly and the Doctor try to find the treasure, and Ben laughs at some of the tombstones, when the Doctor realises the code Longfoot gave him was the names on tombstones.

The Doctor is delighted by this, and also delighted to see the secret tunnel down to the TARDIS.

Kewper and The Squire show up at the church.

 

DOCTOR: And what are you doing here, sir?
KEWPER: The same as you, my friends. Seeking Avery's treasure.
SQUIRE: Aye, he may not have murdered the Churchwarden, but this does indeed show you're more than innocent travellers.

 

Then, as Kewper and the Squire seem to turn on each other, Cherub creeps into the crypt and throws his knife. It goes straight into Kewpers back in a nicely grim moment again seen thanks to the Ozzie censors.

A gun shot rings out, Kewper dies, and Polly screams. Great stuff.

After a bad start, Episode 3 was a return to form with some nicely grim stuff and a lot and lot of people backstabbing each other, and the Doctor becoming fully formed as the Doctor we all know and love.

Although, great love for the Doctor telling Kewper to look out AFTER he's been stabbed. This may be a case of needing the moving images to tell the full cliffhanger, of course...

NOTE - The gunshot was Cherub shooting the Squire. See what I mean about the images being missed!

 

 

The Smugglers

(Episode 4)

 

A summary of proceedings:

 

Longfoot - dead.

Jamaica - dead.

Kewper - dead.

Tom - scared.

Squire - trying to blackmail Pike.

Pike - trying to blackmail Squire, also kill him.

Cherub - killed two people, seems to be untrustworthy to all

 

Longfoot double crossed Pike and died, Kewper tried to double cross everyone and died, the Squire and Pike are trying to double cross each other, Cherub might be trying to double cross everyone else, and all three of them think the Doctor's team are trying to double cross them with the others, and the revenue men.

 

Got all that?

 

CHERUB: Is there any more as fancies a free trip to Davey Jones, ay?
DOCTOR: By stabbing your man in the back, sir? You had us all at your mercy. There was no need for you to kill Kewper.
CHERUB: I fancied better odds than five against one, sawbones.
DOCTOR: What is it you want of us?
CHERUB: Why, the secret, of course. Where Avery's gold lies.

 

Cherub demands to know the secret location of the treasure.

So, the Doctor tries to play for time and announces the names he was given and asks if they were local villages they could investigate, but Cherub instantly recognises them as dead pirates.

The Squire mentions Avery's Curse, and Cherub says "I ain't afraid of no ghost!" Or words like that...

 

Pike and his men land at the beach.

Pike finds the smugglers coven and sends Gaptooth to fill up the boat.

 

Pike goes up to the crypt and finds Cherub, the Squire and Doctor's companions. Cherub claims he was helping, but Pike knows a double cross when he's planned so many of them. He knocks Cherub's gun out of his hands when the man goes to shoot Pike, and Cherub and Pike go to war, sword fighting to the death.

What sounds like quite a nasty battle (alas we can't see it) seems to have the Doctor commentating on the likely winner! He picks Pike.

Cherub is disarmed, tries to use Kewpers gun, but fails, and Pike runs him through with his sword.

 

PIKE: Back to your hell hole, Cherub!

 

You know, if only Pike had chosen a loyal crew he trusted, he could have gotten away with his plans.

Somehow the Squire is still alive and suggests he can arrest Pike. Who disregards this. The Doctor tells Pike he was going to tell him where the treasure is all along. Pike calls him "foolishly honest"!

The Doctor sends Ben and Polly to the TARDIS.

Gaptooth's men continue to fill the boat with the rum.

 

PIKE: And ye want none of the gold?
DOCTOR: I would rather not touch it.
PIKE: Ha. Heard of Avery's curse, ay?
DOCTOR: I have given you all my reasons. I want no part of the gold, though perhaps I can deliver it to you immediately.
PIKE: If I keep my lads out of the village?
DOCTOR: There is no need for innocent people to suffer.
SQUIRE: Well said, Doctor. Well said.
PIKE: I like my lads to be happy, sawbones. That way they work well.
SQUIRE: You'd have Avery's gold and our stores, would you, villain? Will nothing satisfy you?
PIKE: We have an uneasy conscience, have we, Squire? Ye lily-livered rogue. Ye dare to call to call me villain?
SQUIRE: Oh, I've been a rogue, I frankly admit it. The generosity of this stranger has shamed me. But I never spilled blood in my villainy. I beg you as a fellow rogue, if you must, spare my poor villagers.
PIKE: When the fever is in the lads' bones, nothing but blood will slake it.
DOCTOR: Senseless destruction.
PIKE: Tis by way of being a pastime with us gentlemen of fortune. Why should I stop them?

 

This sounds GREAT, though the Squire's sudden turn to the good side is a bit abrupt.

Pike is offered a way out by the Doctor, you might notice, but refuses it. He seals his own fate. The Doctor doesn't tell fortunes, but he does show how nemesis will fall. Kewper ignored it and was doomed. Cherub never listened and was doomed. Now Pike falls into the same trap.

 

The revenue men arrive at the beach.

Ben sends Polly to the TARDIS, but then goes back to get the Doctor. He also tells Polly to "put the kettle on", but we lack moving pictures, for all we know, this was done with a smirk by Craze and responded to with a knowing look by Wills! The two do take the piss out of each other a lot.

The revenue men militia set off for the beach and the church.

 

DOCTOR: Now, let me see. The Churchwarden set me a riddle which involved four names. Ringwood, Smallbeer, Gurney and Deadman, which should be on that wall, sir.
PIKE: Four names of Avery's crew in the old days.
DOCTOR: Ha! Yes, it's there. Just there.
PIKE: How come those names here? They died on the seven seas, all of them.
DOCTOR: The original names were changed by the Churchwarden.
PIKE: Aye. Like a marker, ay?
DOCTOR: Yes, that is correct. And unless I am very much mistaken, sir, this flagstone is at the intersection of those fateful names.

 

Under the flagstone there is the treasure. A weary Pike is delighted, but then, the sound of gunfire.

The militia have shown up.

Those on the beach took out the pirates fairly easily, as Gaptooth's men had been, err, enjoying the rum and were pished.

Polly is caught by some pirates, but Ben frees her.

A lot of battle scenes we can't see sound incredible.

I think a lot of pirates just died.

 

Incidentally, the pirate who tried to nab Polly there was the late great Derek Ware. Lots more of him to come in Doctor Who!

Blake shoots Derek Ware, and then rushes up the secret passage to the crypt.

At some point during all of this, the Squire was shot, and was in bad way throughout the episode. This is a somewhat crucial plot point I missed due to the lack of moving footage!

Pike goes to kill the Doctor as the revenue men show up, thinking he betrayed him, but Blake coolly shoots the pirate captain dead.

 

DOCTOR: Oh, thank heavens you're still alive, sir. Let's try and get him out of here.

 

The Doctor then saves the Squire's life, when the Squire had been nothing but evil to him before.

The Squire says that he and Blake have saved the day from the smugglers and pirates, and Blake realises Ben and the Doctor have escaped down the tunnel back to their "escape ship" Ben mentioned.

BLAKE: Godspeed, old man.

 

Polly asks the Doctor on the beach how he is, and he replies "exhausted!". Understandably, tbh.

 

POLLY: So they're all dead then, the ones who wanted the treasure.
DOCTOR: Yes, superstition is a strange thing, my dear, but sometimes it tells the truth.

 

Hah, moralistic Dr Who wins the day. He was the Jack of Diamonds!

Ben wants to get home to 1966, but instead, the TARDIS has landed in the "coldest place in the world"!

 

Bits of The Smugglers are really engaging, and some of it is badly dated. I think if we had it back, we'd be able to revel in the action and surprisingly dense plot, but also acknowledge some of the dated bits, and the weak character of Jamaica. But to those who say that to watch the Smugglers is to find it dull, and those who claim otherwise never watch it, I must disagree. Bah and humbug. It is a ripping yarn, no more, no less, and quite entertaining in large parts for that.