Recently Channel 5 in the UK nabbed the rights to put 90s SF classic The X-Files for their On Demand collection. To celebrate, one of their off-shoot channels, Five Action, have been repeating the series from The Pilot onwards.
My mum (and dad, and grandparents) were huge X-Files fans at the time, and me and Cat watched a bunch of them. Too many, in fact, as Eugene Victor Tooms was a bit too much for my 8 year old mind. Some my parents deemed too scary, some I saw trailers and ran a mile, so overall I've only seen about half the first few seasons and from Season 4 or so onwards it's a blur.
Well, if it is on TV...
(Before we go on the obligatory plug of the tips jar here, thanks for all who donate!)
I've now seen the entire first Series of The X-Files, and it seems the only done thing to do is to the rank the episodes. It really is a season of contrasts, as the best episodes hold up remarkably well after 30 years, and others really don't.
Still, we all know if I write any more preamble, we'll be here till the Summer holidays, so without further delay:
X-Files Season 1 (Ranked)
24. Gender Bender
A gender swapping alien hiding in an refuge (disguised as an Amish commune) kills a bunch of people picked up at nightclubs by giving them killer sex. A silly idea in Torchwood, a silly idea here. Dated, ludicrous, rubbish. Nicholas Lea shows up but not as a bad guy.
23. Jersey Devil
Dana Scully and her problematic pal. "I'm at my godson's birthday!" "Hey Scully, I got arrested for being drunk!" "I'm on a date!" "Cancel? We need to look for a half-woman-half bear type thing. Also I forgot to eat, please buy me breakfast" Dana Scully's sister shows up, I have vague memories of her getting killed later on. Gillian Anderson holds that entire first third of the first series together by herself, practically.
22. Conduit
Another alien conspiracy one that drags. The best bit being Scully going up the stairs and realising the binary drawings the kid has made are a picture of his kidnapped sister from above. More "Mulder basis this theories on his own childhood PTSD" subtext, some random bikers stuff too.
21. Roland
Very dated with its portrayal of the savant mentally ill person. This has some memorable deaths (death by wind turbine, death by liquid nitrogen head smash) but the crew considered it the weakest of the season and its certainly among them.
20. Shapes
A werewolf story (the manitou) with bad SFX. Scully has to act foolish for the plot to work, a trope I hate. The supernatural actually gets in the way of what could have been a decent story about prejudices between the law enforcement and the local Native American populace and he said/he said about who encroached with deadly force on whose land.
19. Ghost in the Machine
The tower block run by the evil computer. A very silly episode. The computer has a HAL voice! The concerns about AI have dated well but the story is very goofy.
18. Lazarus
"Hi, I'm Scully's mentor from the FBI, oh no, I'm dead now." The best bit of this story is the start, with the shootout in the bank, and the corpse being shocked into life, ignored by everyone as they try to save the FBI Agent. Then we have to watch Christopher Allport blandly walk his way through a possession storyline, and Scully missing stuff she'd usually spot, because the plot needs her to be a damsel in distress. A key moment (Jack Willis having diabetes) is left to the Third Act without prior mention, before we have the world's least surprising plot twist, on who the traitor in Dupre's gang was. (There was two of them, and it wasn't him.)
17. Young at Heart
"Hi, I'm Mulder's mentor from the FBI, oh no, I'm dead now." Most doomed characters in the show. Reggie is a much more interesting mentor though, nicely played by the once ever-present Dick Anthony Williams, as he both sympathises and criticises Mulders past actions in this case. Also, he needs a good night sleep, which is spoiled both by Mulder phoning him, and by a killer sneaking into his house and strangling him. The plot feels like deja vu with Lazarus last episode, though this time the killer faked his own death and has a salamander like hand to make him appear younger. Very silly and continues a weak run of stories.
16. Deep Throat
A forgettable story about test pilots experiencing something... The uncanny valley the wife of the pilot has around him is eerier than a jump scare. Also, that unsettled confusion David Duchovny plays when the military has wiped his memory off-screen is more grounding than all his OTT bits in the Pilot. Still, this one has Dana Scully take a gun and threaten the men in black into giving her back her friend, Action Scully. Also, Jerry Hardin is great, although underused even in his debut. "They've been here for a long time, Mulder" - great last line, shame about much of the previous 40 minutes.
15. Fallen Angel
An alien has crash landed in Wisconsin and it can electrify anyone it goes near. Mulder rushes to the scene and is immediately arrested by the military, again. Best thing in this episode is Scott Bellis as Max Fenig, UFO chaser and Fox Mulder's number one fan. David Duchovny's incredulity as its explained people on the internet follow his adventures through Freedom of Information requests is priceless. Then Max gets abducted by the aliens he wanted to see (be careful what you wish for) and we're stuck with all the humourless military stereotypes. As usual with mythos stuff in Season 1, Jerry Hardin shows up for one scene and is great, apparently Deep Throat has the power to single handedly veto FBI investigations and suspensions. Also the Fallen Angel wasn't Christopher Daniels. Wrestling? Geddit? Never mind.
14. Space
I can see what its trying to do, with news footage and archive footage from NASA, we're going for the verisimilitude approach to an X-Files. Which makes it stand out, and Ed Lauter is very good as the haunted ex-astronaut. The thing which seems to be part of him and enticing him to his death is eerie, but its ability to effect stuff in space and elsewhere is a bit nebulous. Also because they are trying to make it realer than your average episode, not a lot happens for long periods of time. I chalk this one up as a curio, an experiment which didn't work for me.
13. EBE
When I was a kid I remembered two things about this one, Deep Throat's monologue about the shark, and being bored senseless. With adult eyes, its mostly about paranoia in a show which did paranoia a lot better. The Lone Gunmen make their debut, and are comedic characters from the beginning. Mulder talking up how great his UFO photo is, only for Scully to prove it fake within seconds, is very funny.
12. Fire
"And here to present that letter, Fire Boy!" "Maybe next week a different job for Fire Boy." This episode scared me as a kid. I have no idea why looking back as its so tatty Del Boy could sell it for a profit. Mark Sheppard is at his single most OTT, as a man who sets bars on fire for the LOLs, and also MPs, and starts every scene seemingly wielding an invisible vaudeville evil moustache. "I'm the caretaker now!" He's having more fun than Anthony Ainley in the Davison era. Mulder's English ex shows up to annoy Scully. Apparently she liked to snog Mulder and pretend he was going to be bombed by the IRA, typical relationship hijinks. Mulder fears fire, which is cured here, which is just as well for the Anasazi tribe later. Its really really silly with a villain who exists just to go "MUHAHAHAHA I'm so EVIL look at me being evil with fire!" Better than being boring, I guess! The one scene wonder of the FBI arson specialist who is absolutely delighted they're dealing with a murderer, and admits he is jealous of Mulder getting to investigate such a crime, is an absolute delight, however. He should have stuck around.
(This story is rubbish but the episode is hilarious, which saves it from the run of the mill dull episodes. It wasn't intending to be hilarious, mind you...)
11. The Pilot
Very dated now, in terms of the lighting and the silence, akin to how Kolchak looked in the 90s, funny enough. The main characters are quickly sketched in, I like how even though Scully is sceptical to all of Mulders spooky beliefs, she instantly bonds to him as a person, so when she freaks out on the case she rushes to him for reassurance. The opening with the young woman running away from something, only to be found dead, is haunting. Very embryonic, with two leads still finding their way into the role. Yet the humour, the twists, the quick characterisation of guest casts, it's all here and it did get better.
10. Miracle Man
Ironically, Lazarus would have been the better title for this one. I like the idea of the villain of the piece being someone angry they were brought back to life and tormenting their own miracle maker. It gets a bit over earnest with the Jesus metaphors, and Mulder seeing Samantha everywhere is overplayed, but it has its moments. And locusts.
9. Shadows
Excellent ghost story about a murdered CEO protecting his secretary from his own murderers. I love the shades of grey, that the dead boss was a little too much when alive let alone dead, even if the rest of the villains in her life are currently worse. Scully claiming to believe her for empathy reasons a nice touch. Mulder: "I never lie, I wilfully withheld the truth." LOL. Critics hated this one but its a standout of season 1 so far.
8. Born Again
Three corrupt cops face nemesis in the guise of a nine year old girl. Makes perfect sense to me! The girl is actually their murdered colleague reincarnated. One guy goes out a window, before opening the window. Another guy is on the screen for three minutes, gets to become the least sympathetic victim in X-Files history so far (he refuses to help a beggar, he delights in screwing over someone financially, covering up a murder and using shark loans) before he gets a memorable "death by scarf/moving bus" scene. That scene has stuck with me for over 30 years. The crew didn't like this one but it's easily the best Howard Gordon script of the season, though he'd get a lot better in the future. Also, Janice from Friends is the cop at the start: O M G!
7. Tooms
It's a comedy, about nightmare fuel. Mulder went from nailing Tooms as his top suspect through analysis and research in Squeeze, to ranting about mutants at his parole hearing. Also, a man who can be placed at one murder scene and attempted to murder an FBI Agent is paroled within a year, wtf American justice? Despite this, Tooms attempt on the family, despite the humour, is eerie because spooky Doug Hutchence plays it straight, the finale understandably scared the hell out of child me, and even then, that psychiatrist was really annoying, and he literally walked into the devils lair.
6. Darkness Falls
The one in the forest with the missing loggers and the killer bugs. Great stuff. I'm not sure why Spinney runs off at the end, other than because the writers wanted him to die, and given he'd actually radioed for help saving Mulder and Scully, bit harsh. The bugs are sparse but effectively done, the deaths are almost all off screen leaving it to the imagination, and the living but badly injured lead duo hint at the horrors of the unknown. A brilliant slice of horror. Also, we see a proper horror trope, the sceptic guy who doesn't believe he's in a horror story so walks off and immediately dies!
5. The Erlenmeyer Flask
An excellent top tier episode about aliens written by Chris Chibnall. I know, I'm shocked too. This episode is littered with iconic imagery, from the opening car crash, to a man who can breath underwater, to the medical team choking on the toxic blood of the fugitive, to Scully coming face to face with the proof of aliens. Gillian Anderson is great when the pathologist proves with science that Mulder's whole world philosophy is actually the truth, and even more when she learns the shadowy conspiracy has killed the pathologist (who was just doing her job) and her entire family offscreen. The opening credits change from The Truth Is Out There, to Trust No One, which are Deep Throat's final words, but ironically this episode is all about trust. Deep Throat has talked of his joint leanings all season but when push comes to shove he knowingly walks to his death to save both Mulder and Scully. Chris Carter later said it was a mistake to kill Deep Throat so early on and Jerry Hardin was always great in the role, but the Erlenmeyer Flask is so successful because it has no knowledge of how big the X-Files will become. In fact, its biggest problem is that this episode works so well as a series finale (Scully learns Mulder is right, but their only friend on the inside is dead and the X-Files have been shut down) that its almost breaking point to carry on for another decade after this point. In fact, its the ending of The Omega Factor (which Carter loved) only with a reprieve for more. Still, that's not The Erlenmeyer Flask's fault, which stands out as a vintage piece of American SF.
4. Squeeze
Yeah, I rewatched it. Doug Hutchence is very good at playing a creepy bastard but then he married a 16 year old in his 40s so maybe he's just creepy in real life. The murder set ups are still top level horror movie unsettling, kudos to the editor who Chris Carter claims saved the rushes. Scully's old flame is Donal Logue from Gotham, looking young! One thing I like about this is that for all the FBI jokes about Spooky Mulder, here he is his old school profiling best: he puts together enough evidence to finger a suspect and is forced to believe in the supernatural aspect due to all the evidence. Also, the old cop who said the 1933 case was like experiencing the death camps in WW2, leaves one to suspect Tooms killed a family all at once back then.
3. Ice
Rob Shearman says this story doesn't so much borrow from The Thing as mug it down a dark alley. He's right,, but steal from the best, eh? This is a terrific piece of paranoia, with a small dwindling cast in a base under siege, no wonder it appealed to this Dr Who fan back in 1994. The opening, where two scientists attack each other at the Alaska base until both agree to commit suicide, is one of the most startling cold openings the show has had yet. (Cold opening, Alaska, geddit?) The parasite worm is still icky, particularly under the skin, but the tension between the cast as they all fall out is very well done. Even Mulder and Scully are pointing guns at each other, but of course, once again the day is saved through Dana Scully's faith in her partner. Bonus points for the cynical self-confessed red shirt scientist not only surviving but assuming Mulder and Scully were there for the cover up! Excellent TV which holds up really well.
2. Eve
Now, this is really well done horror. Only problem is that I've known the twist, which actually comes really late in the episode, for so long, that I wonder what my reaction would have been with fresh eyes. The Krievins twins, who weren't even trained child actors, are shockingly good in their multi-faceted roles. I like how the telepathy element is only hinted at, with the link between the various Eves, and Teena leading on Mulder on his UFO fixation. Harriet Sansom Harris, far better known for Broadway comedy and playing Frasier Crane's agent Bebe, is sensational as the adult Eves, and makes what should be a silly tale about eugenics and cloning feel real and grounded. A highlight of the season.
1. Beyond the Sea
Scully's dad (briefly and amiably played by Don S. Davis) dies, and she's seemingly haunted by his ghost. She's also haunted by a death row killer (Brad Dourif in an excellent performance) who claims to be clairvoyant and can solve a missing teens case before the victims are killed. An unusually sceptical Mulder sees this as an inside job to get Boggs off execution next week, but its Scully who finds things to believe in this most unreliable narrator. A meditation on faith, with an emotional core about loss and coping, Mulder warns Scully not to become Boggs last victim, but she never can be, because she has more belief in her father and Mulder than she has in the X-Files. The scenes of Luther Boggs haunted by his own murder victims at his last meal are nicely done, and like all great slices of TV, there's a degree of ambiguity in all the characters actions. Far and away the greatest episode of the season.
At times a struggle to get through technobabble and very dated stuff, X-Files season 1 at its best provided some amazing TV. The top six here would stand well against the best of any 90s TV show and most of them better. However, those bottom few are dire. Oh well, onwards to Season 2, I guess!
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