As I get older, I’ve become a far bigger quiz/game show fan.
I remember when I was a small child, I would sit next to Gran, as she indulged
her Countdown addiction, and tried to play along. “Dog”, “Cat” were my usual
offerings from the 9 letters on display, and weirdly for someone who became a
writer, I found the numbers round far easier. In fact, I still do! Nowadays,
its great fun watching Pointless or The Chase or The Answer Trap (it was great, recommission it, Channel 4!) alike and answering all the
questions the poor contestant misses, knowing fine well there’s a difference
between the living room sofa and the glare of the studio lights! I’ve even
started getting Sarah into quiz shows (she loved The Wheel, which meant I had
to tape and watch repeatedly a Michael McIntyre show) and she even helped vote
in the last UK Gameshow Poll of the Year. Did you notice The Floor is Lava drew
for 5th place in the new media category? That’s Sarah, as is the anonymous “wean” who tried
to repeat all the courses in our house during lockdown.
Despite a lasting interest in the quiz show, I’ve never felt able to bite the
bullet and apply to go on one, to put my chatter brain where my money would be,
if I had any spare.
In my house, I’m beating the Sinnerman. In reality, I fear I’d be the guy who
freezes under the lights and answers a lowball question like “Who played the
Third Doctor Who?” with “Uhm…John Prescott?”
But I’m amazed by those who not only dare to go on a quiz show but positively
thrive under the conditions. Take Only Connect for example. I cheer when I get
5 points! It usually happens once a series. Our friend Stuart, on the other
hand, went on that show with some friends and actually did quite well. (To the
horror of Robert Peston, apparently!)
And when I was thinking how useful quizalholics would find it if someone
ever interviewed a person on a winning team (the Gallifreyans were on multiple
shows) on Only Connect. Quizaholics like me! And then I thought…hang on, I know someone on that
show, and I have a blog.
Hey, Stuart Wildig off the Only Connect team The Gallifreyans, hello!
Stuart: Hello.
Michael: Sorry, two months passed since I originally contacted you about this,
because my brain is a sieve.
Stuart: I think all brains are sieves, colanders, tennis rackets or just simple
hoops right now.
Michael: Yeah, 2020-1 is not going to have many nostalgia programmes made about
it in decades to come. Wont someone think of Angela Scanlon's career in a decade's time?
Ok, so Stuart, you’ve had the misfortune of knowing of me since I was a gobby
teenager, but for everyone else, tell us a little about yourself.
Stuart: My name is Stuart and I’m a recently married IT project manager who
singularly failed to learn how to play the ukulele despite it being an
"interesting" fact about me. Twice.
Michael: I’ll just delete my George Formby references…
Sorry, that's me used up my entire knowledge of ukuleles in one out of date reference!
Have you always been a quiz fan?
Stuart: Yes, initially in an abstract way. I couldn’t distinguish between what
school (and for that matter, society) deemed important topics to learn and
what was knowledge that could be dismissed as trivia. I also come from a
competitive family, so it was good to have something for which I was noticeably
able.
Michael: Ah, the playing Gran at Countdown type scenario?
Stuart: Literally that - my gran would watch Fifteen to One, Countdown and
similar shows with me.
NOTE: Jon Arnold (friend of, and sometimes contributor to, this blog) was actually on Fifteen to One once. Didn't win it though.
Michael: You
should see my Gran at Scrabble. Triple word score with 2 tiles once.
Anyhow, who made the decision to apply for Only Connect?
Stuart: There’s been an Only Connect thread on the Doctor Who forum pretty much
since the show started. Every year multiple posters said “We should do a team
of Doctor Who fans!” and every year the deadline for applications whooshed
past. During series six in December 2012, a poster with a Harry Hill avatar
said that he was up for assembling a team. He did all the tricky bits like
working out who lived where, when the audition/filming dates were, comparing
potential teammates by their playalong scores and so forth. This, among other
reasons, was why Giles was captain. John and I could make the dates and so we
did an online audition together using Skype then in London in person with the
production team - we gave ourselves time for an introductory pint beforehand.
(A popular Doctor Who forum, to go full Pointless, and some gobshite regular on it...)
Michael: What is it about Only Connect that convinced you to take the leap from
playing at home to playing in the studio?
Stuart: I sometimes feel that Only Connect was targeted specifically at me.
I've been an admirer of Victoria Coren ever since Late Night Poker, I adore
quizzes that make you think (a rare beast - the majority are based around
recollection or calculation) and I hold little stock with the idea that lowbrow
equals easy whilst highbrow must be difficult. As someone who enjoys their
anonymity, I was also more comfortable with the idea of being on a BBC4 show,
slightly away from the mainstream - naturally the year we were on, they moved
the show onto BBC Two.
Michael: How do you prepare for a show like Only Connect? Mastermind or The
Chase or Pointless you can see the prep route of cramming on their popular
question area topics. But Only Connect is all about how the brain connects things, so it
seems harder to cram for? Or easier?
Stuart: There's a handful of topics you can revise because you can be sure that
they'll turn up at least once or twice a series (Bond, Shakespeare, BBC
shows/talent) but that's obviously a very small fraction of the questions
posed. Rewatching the show got me into the mindset of the question setters (as
well as being grateful that they no longer make contestants do the short
awkward walk to the wall podium).
Michael: I get around one five-point answer per series in a good year. How does
it feel to get them in the studio?
Stuart: Nervy. The risk/reward swing is massive but going into the show, it was
one of the things we wanted to achieve. The five pointer we got was unusual
because it was in the first round - normally you need the inherent advantage of
sequences to get it on the first clue but as it referenced a film called Next
which, as John pointed out, making that be an answer would be a very Only
Connect thing to do. We were practically giddy as Giles pushed the buzzer and
out came the full-arm finger-point of success from Victoria.
Michael: There are often some impressive bits of lateral thinking on the show, but seriously - that wall in the Christmas show. Colours in anagrams. How? Even Victoria looked impressed.
Stuart: As a devotee of Sherlock Holmes, it’s a joy to use his best known method - remove the impossible and what remains is the truth. Dre felt like it had to be Dr Dre (it was a Doctor themed episode after all) but firstly he had already been mentioned in the show and secondly there simply weren’t three other doctors on the wall. So if not Dr Dre then what could Dre mean? Once my brain had finished screaming "RED!" then the rest followed easily enough.
Michael: You explain it and I’m still in awe to be honest. My brain just doesn’t spot things like that.
Stuart: That's why it helps to have as broad a collection of minds on your team as possible - what is clear as day to some will never be gotten by others and vice versa.
Michael: What was the experience of competing on TV like - what is the bit the
TV audience would never get?
Stuart: The surrealism of it never went away for me. I watched the show,
auditioned online, auditioned in person (twice), got welcomed into the studios,
saw my name on those Perspex boards and the closest I got to having it take
place in my reality was when Jenny the producer did the run through before the
first match. At that point, my mind could grasp it as something akin to doing
the Crystal Maze Experience but then your actual Victoria Coren-Mitchell sits
down, gets things going and it’s just a case of enjoying the ride.
Michael: Is there anything we wouldn’t notice from the TV side of things?
Stuart: Everyone involved in the process tries to make it all as lovely an
experience as possible. A professional make-up artist will take ten years off
your face. David Mitchell was at the studio each day though he walked through
the corridors like a hotel guest trapped naked outside their room. The
production company host regular OC get togethers where contestants from across
the series combine. Viewers see the missing vowel clues a couple of seconds
before the teams did.
Michael: Doesn’t that make them even harder, or is my general theory that you
either get them instantly or don’t buzzer in fairly accurate?
Stuart: Pretty much - there's six very smart people all trying to push the
buzzer the moment they get it - or sometimes even earlier. In our quarter
final, the group was Numbers and the equivalent Roman Numerals; the other team
buzzed fractions of a second before me twice so I decided I had to just go as
soon as the clue appeared then work it out after. I pressed and for what felt
like eternity, I was blank. Thankfully my mouth splurged out "One
equals" before my brain finally contributed "I".
Michael: In the hopeful manner of dispelling don’t meet your heroes, how was
the host?
Stuart: Victoria is (as best I can tell) exactly as she seems on and off
camera. She also recalled (six years on) that she had blown the pronunciation
of my surname last time around so double checked before doing the intros.
Unfortunately she blew it in the exact same way which the gallery appeared to
enjoy immensely from her reaction to whatever came down her earpiece.
Michael: It's at this point I realise I've been mispronouncing it for years too. Who knew Victoria Coren could lead someone astray?
Michael: Since we’re in danger of going into Doctor Who, politics or football chat before long (if anyone can imagine that!), I’ll finish off with the standard: any plans for the future? Should we await you taking on The Beast (or indeed, any of the other 5 Chasers) or Kevin Ashman on a TV screen soon?
Stuart: It was a delight to have been asked back onto Only Connect during the
last lockdown but as for other shows, I lean towards almost certainly not. By
playing at home standards, I’m good but I’m not at the level of those who
properly devote themselves, memorising the dates of French kings and managers
in sports they don’t enjoy. Robert Peston commented on Twitter after our defeat
that he was glad to see the Chessmen progress as they were 'proper quizzers'.
As with much of his career, what he said was technically correct but
fundamentally missed the point.
Stuart: Only Connect isn’t any old quiz. Yes, it tests
your knowledge but also your reasoning, lateral thinking, teamwork, speed of
thought and nerve. After testing your skills on that, it would be hard to go
onto something second best. Of course, I'd be hard pushed to turn down a show
with a great big prize pool - that's something that even Only Connect does not
have.
Michael: The question level on The £100k Drop seems quite simple for the amount
of prize on offer…
Stuart: I'd probably enjoy that although the question on my mind throughout
would be "How far could I get with 40 bundles on foot?"
Michael: Well, Judith Keppel didn’t start out until her late 50s, there’s time
for all of us yet!
Stuart: Indeed - I feel certain my grandmother would approve.
Michael: I’d say mine would too, but she’s still waiting for
that Countdown appearance. When I sit next to a child genius, look at the
letters in front of me waiting for this wordsmith to pounce, and say, “I’ve got
a three letter word, Anne: cat!”
Only thing left to do is to thank Stuart Wildig for his time and wish him the best!
Connecting wall answers - Jodie's, Colour Anagrams, The Big "X" Film Titles, words that end in participles of "to go"
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